of suffering & some yellow flowers
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive
It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ
Washes me and raised this dead man's life
This Steve Fee's song has been ringing through my head all day - not just because I was listening to it in the morning, but more because of how the lyrics to the song have struck me today. Touch a raw nerve, you could say.
None of us on earth deserves to be alive. Even for those of us who desire to die. Yes, notice I said "us". I do desire to die. But it isn't death itself that I'm yearning for, but the eternal rest that I will find in Christ thereafter. So in actuality, if I were to think about my death per se, I doubt I'll be so enthusiastic as to say I want to die.
What's scary about death? Plenty. When I had to deal with the death of my pet mice, it was painful enough but I got over them soon after and there weren't any "side effects". When I had to deal with the loss of one of my dogs, I was and am still traumatized.
As I go about my day, images of what happened kept flashing through my mind and an overwhelming sense of fear would grip me. While I'm not sure what exactly I'm fearful about, the fear is real and it paralyses me.
Death is awful.
Last night, Rev Daniel's session about the problem of suffering came rather apt at a time in my life when I really feel quite tormented. Sure, I'm not actually in that bad a state, but it's quite a crumbling stumbling heartbreaking time. It feels like all I lack now is some sores on my body - then again, I do have some sores, though not as dreadful as the ones Job was inflicted with.
He talked about the classical view of the cause for suffering. Sin. You suffer because you have sinned.
Those were the resounding views of Job's three not-so-comforting friends. And I can just imagine how frustrating it would have been for Job because we read in the prologue that Job was an incredibly good man. If he had sinned so much as to deserve all that he had to go through, then what more his three friends, the rest of mankind, us?
He argues with both Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, that if it were to be true that he had sinned and thus is in torment, then why is it that no one else is suffering as he has. Even the obviously bad people are having it better than him. Who could have been worse? Why is he so special? Can't he be left alone for just a moment to swallow his saliva, he asks.
And indeed, Job's life is impossible to live through. Even his wife tells him to curse God and die - which in essence means for Job to commit suicide.
Do I want to commit suicide?
After my encounter with facing the coldness of death, the lost of a life and warmth that I've grown so familiar with in the last twelve years, I really do fear death.
I wish I were Enoch. Or Elijah. Or Reepicheep, for that matter.
Rest in peace, my dear. Until that day, when all my fortunes shall be restored before my very eyes, rest in peace.
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
"The sorrows for the appointed feasts
I will remove from you;
they are a burden and a reproach to you.
At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes
before your very eyes,"
says the LORD.
Zephaniah 3:17-18, 20
On a more pleasant note, I wonder how many people realise that sunflowers aren't the only flowers I like? As a child, I once wrote an essay titled "My favourite flower" and here it is.
Skywards, originally uploaded by langkawi
The Daffodils. :)
It wasn't until I watched Black Cat White Cat that I shifted my attention towards the towering sunflower after having fallen in love with the romance between Zare and Ida.
I also most recently noticed how lovely yellow calla lilies are.
Yellow calla lilies 6, originally uploaded by tanakawho
My Father made them, both big and small.
ps. thanks for the flowers, love. :)Labels: random, reflections
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