Yesterday was a most spectacular evening -- not just because it was the union of two very precious people, but also because of the incredible joy of being in the company of my colleagues (ex-colleagues) once again. Sitting there with them at the table labeled "carbon" made me feel somewhat at home again, yet not quite. The jokes they shared and the clients they have were not completely foreign to me, yet I knew it's no longer the same as before. Though it does amuse me to know that I could sometimes end up as their topic of discussion. I'm not sure how their conversations could end up being about me or the things I use to say and do, but it does seem that it's often directed at the one who came to take over my role in the company... speaking of whom, I forgot to thank him for helping me with my camera and all the lovely photos, as well as for all the helpings of food I couldn't finish. And I'm sorry about the pepper...
So well. I unfortunately can't attend Laoda's big day in Dec because it clashes with my ah kor's big day (Enoch's!). I suppose Eueu will be my representative... And yeah, I was really extremely happy last night and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I suppose it is after all the things that have broken my heart so much that helps to make the little joys in life all the more blissful and satisfying. (:
I can't thank my ex-colleagues enough, for bringing so much joy and laughter into my life! You're the best colleagues anyone could ever dream of having (((:
Wow. I never thought I'd see this photo again until Kara and I finally found each other on Facebook. (P.S. She's awesome!) Just check out my young innocent face. Wahahaha...
All right. I'll admit. If there was just one point in my life when I was anything but innocent, it would have to be during that period of my life.
Just recently, I was going through some of my old diaries and weblog entries and it seems almost like I was a totally different person. "Eeew. What was I up to?"
Sordid history.
But anyway, Berkelah bears no vile memory. Every bit of our climb up (and down) was awesome. Perhaps it was that trip that made me fall in love with trekking. Not that I trek much, but I really do love it and I'm pretty good with climbing! The guys were nice then, they called me Tomb Raider -- for being the one girl who climbed so quickly and without any masculine help at all. But if they had meant to make it sound bad, like how Drew did once, you could call me a monkey.
I remember, also, the burning heat of the day and freezing cold of the night. There weren't space left in the tents so I stayed out by the cliff side with Mark and nearly turned into ice. He had a hard time helping his pet dino (aka me) thaw the next morning. LOL. Though we did manage to have ice milo thanks to the cold. The bottle of hot milo we left out the night before turned into ice cold milo. Yeah, it was that cold.
And there was that running joke about how Kara woke up in the morning asking, "What is that sound?" (the waterfall, duh.)
Speaking of all these makes me miss another place as well. Bako National Park. :)
And while I'm reminiscing old times, d is drooling over the hot athlete on TV. Idiot. :P
Way to go, boys. I screamed my lungs out and cheered with all my heart because you were well worth it // even if you didn't win, because you're OUR guys! :):):)
I took this almost 3 years ago. How time flies. In a blink of an eye, life has changed so much for me, and for the people around me.
I bade farewell to an old colleague recently. He passed on from cancer, and all I could remember was him joking with me about writing captions.
I've been curious about will-writing for awhile. I wonder if I had to write a will, what would be in it. I wonder what do I have to give! Sure I have some money here and there, but it's not a lot and it seems only right that it goes to my parents -- I still owe my mom and my aunt & uncle money for my uni studies.
Then I thought perhaps I needed to will my junk possessions as well. My collection of toys -- both soft & stuffed, and collectible gashapon type. What about my books? And my bass guitar that's so new and pretty... My guitar would go to the church for sure. It's almost like it belongs to the church already anyway.
I'll be off to Mae Sot in about 30 hours or so. I don't think anything will happen to me, but it's sure worth a thought... that if something did happen, will anyone want to adopt my mice? How many would turn up for my wake? How would people feel?
At my farewell, my colleagues took turns to say the strangest things. No doubt I know I haven't created any enemies out of my colleagues, but I never quite thought they loved me that much.
In a way, it totally felt like I was already dead and here these people are... delivering their eulogies. You know how it is at funerals; nobody says bad things about the one who has left.
Anyway, I heard some really encouraging comments that made me feel really thankful. It would have been horrid if people were glad to see me go. It's not horrid because I'm disliked, but it's horrid because I would have dishonoured God. So, I'm so thankful. So very very thankful that I've actually left footprints in their lives -- and it is my prayer that those footprints are the prints of Christ, and not of my own.
Knowing you, Jesus, is the greatest thing. Help me to recognise the power of Your risen life in all that I do, and to know You in Your sufferings. Teach me to become like You in Your death and to live not by my will, but Yours alone.
I just got back from homecell and it's 3am -- yes, I really should be sleeping. Unfortunately, my brains are still buzzling with activity because perhaps, once again, I'm marvelled by my Maker.
I know I was suppose to take the sharing session today and while I did kinda prepare but honestly, it was in such a mess -- which was why I titled this the "late night confessions".
As always, I feel like I can do so much more and put in so much more effort to give the honour God's Word deserves. No doubt whatever I shared took several different sessions and sources from all over... it was no more than a mish-mash of notes from many sessions of QT and personal Bible Study rather than anything meant to be dispensed in a group meeting.
But I had awesome fellowship. And perhaps that's what the body of Christ was always meant to be. And what homecell was never to do without. The encouragement, support and friendship of one another... the ability to just openly share what is bothering us most -- even when it concerns a degree of discomfort and awkwardness.
I'm glad though, that somehow, I think I did manage to link up my notes and present to my dear brothers and sisters the things that I've been learning about God as our Jehovah Rohi -- the Lord my shepherd. My good shepherd. And it's definitely by His grace that there was even any coherence in my sharing!
Thank you, Lord, for Your abundant grace, even when I never deserved it.
There are those who think that the Christian religion is what we should smile at rather than hold fast, for this reason, that, in it, not what may be seen, is shown, but men are commanded faith of things which are not seen. We therefore, that we may refute these, who seem to themselves through prudence to be unwilling to believe what they cannot see, although we are not able to show unto human sight those divine things which we believe, yet do show unto human minds that even those things which are not seen are to be believed. And first they are to be admonished, (whom folly has so made subject to their carnal eyes, as that, whatsoever they see not through them, they think not that they are to believe,) how many things they not only believe but also know, which cannot be seen by such eyes. Which things being without number in our mind itself, (the nature of which mind is incapable of being seen,) not to mention others, the very faith whereby we believe, or the thought whereby we know that we either believe any thing, or believe not, being as it is altogether alien from the sight of those eyes; what so naked, so clear, what so certain is there to the inner eyes of our minds? How then are we not to believe what we see not with the eyes of the body, whereas, either that we believe, or that we believe not, in a case where we cannot apply the eyes of the body, we without any doubt see?
- St. Augustine, Concerning Faith of Things Not Seen
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Generally speaking, emails are really bothersome. So bothersome, you wish they were never invented. But when you open one that makes you smile as wide as I did when I saw this pug, you'd thank God for email. It keeps you going when you hit the wall. :)
And here's one for my pig-dog-friends I can't get enough of.
Beautiful one, I love you Beautiful one, I adore you Beautiful one, my soul must sing
I've been really disturbed by my inadequacy to fully address an issue that a dear friend of mine is facing, but as I knelt in prayer for this dear friend, I couldn't help by marvel at how God had prompted me to speak with this person. It pained me deeply to hear of what my friend had to say, yet I'm so filled with praise for how God holds true his promises that he will "never leave you, nor forsake you". (Hebrews 13:5)
And I heard my soul sing. It sang in such great awe of the most glorious, most beautiful one of all.
I'm so grateful that even in times like these -- in seasons of change and sorrow, our good Lord's faithfulness never ceases. How it hurts me to know that I should ever cause Him pain.
You opened my eyes to Your wonders anew You captured my heart with this love Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as You
There as I prayed and sang more songs of praise, I am convinced - again - that God has everything good laid out for my friend -- and for you and me too! :)
Lord, I want to be in the light. In the place where I may forever praise thee Show me your ways; Use me for your glory Let my life be a living sacrifice
Have you marvelled at the greatness of our God today?
It's hilarious how at least two people I met that night thought "home club" was related to 'Home United' and thus, thought it was some ulu clubhouse in some ulu neighbourhood next to a football field. I had a good laugh, even though I didn't know where it was either.
When we did get there, I felt like I stepped into the wrong place. The whole place just reeked of a childhood. Haha. Oldies, that's what we are... if it wasn't for him and the free drinks (yes, I am super cheapo), I'd have long suggested we leave...
Anyway, I'm glad we're going to get together again! This time, at a better place. Haha. And yes, minus the noise and some real music instead. (:
...and hi-dee-ho! to the others we met that night. much love!
--
Aside, that Cigarette Sex band we heard that night? They were too loud for our liking, but their slower song featured on their myspace site is much better - although their lyrics are far from anything I'll ever sing to. Pollute your minds! But it seems like they're quite popular. No less, they kinda make me wonder what my life was like when I was younger. I think I forgot... not that it really matters. Hmm! (:
I love those conversational "sermons" at RBC. These couple of days, they have been discussing about - guess what? - faith, of course! When life hits you hard and just doesn't make sense nor even seem fair, does our faith still exist?
It's very interesting because I have been reading (still am, since 2 weeks back) and re-reading the book of Hebrews, where faith is such a key measure of how pleased God is with us.
Faith, Hope, and Love.
Brief notes from my study: The opposite of faith is doubt and disobedience.
Faith is not about getting things from God, but is a way of resting in God.
When life became too heavy to carry, faith is about not challenging God and believing that sometime soon, God will lift the burden from us.
Faith is about coming before God in absolute humility.
His will, not mine.
All right. Totally not related, I got together with the old guys and I really mean old! We felt like we were with the wrong crowd (remind me again, never to try and fit in with the juniors) and the band was helluva noise-creator.
Had an Etsy afternoon, just clicking through and taking snapshots of what I thought were pretty things - hoping that they'll inspire me to giving that 'men's club' a name. I asked Isaac and Hongjun what would make them join a club, and they weren't of much help. But I noticed that money was a key drawing factor. A club with attractive benefits and promotions would lure them more than hot babes. Perhaps that is jus the view of two guys. We probably need a broader perspective.
Aside, it was rather surreal spending the whole night listening to them talk while watching the waves and the cuttlefish-like umbrellas. Each time my phone sounded with an SMS, I would notice also, the time it was. 330am. 4am. 423am. 5am. Until we finally decided to walk back to the main island, I really thought I was dreaming... sleep talking... just, really, disconnected from self.
Oh, and I had 3 2s twice in our rounds of dai dee, and I won both times. Wahaha.
Anyway, my body clock has been warped up over this holiday season. I've been reaching home at times when others are waking up. Oh well. I shall be spending some time with God before I think I'll concuss again shortly. Nap time. Haha.
Happy new year folks. Hmm... I think I've just about spent away all my new year money on taxis!
There was nothing to say the day she left Just filled a suitcase full of regrets I hailed a taxi in rain Looking for some place to ease the pain Then like an answered prayer I turned you around and found you there
I told the gang that this is where I'd want to live, because it's Happy Ave. And they took me in for a photo session, to introduce my house. Zhuai!
It was hilarious but I'm quite serious. I do want to live on Happy Ave. The lovely rows of old-town terrace homes matches my early dreams for a quaint garden-home, where dogs could run about... and I could have an old style swing somewhere by that porch. Somehow, I can't quite picture what else, or who else, there'd be in my quiet little house. Perhaps a chiku tree.
Speaking of dreams... I have been having very vivid dreams lately. Mostly the peculiar sort... then again, when are dreams not strange?
The anxiety... the migraines... and the dreams full of colour. Wow. I wonder what is going through my mind. It almost feels like I'm disconnected from myself. I haven't put much thought to many things of late. It sure seems like eternity has gone past me and despite the late nights, I haven't quite gotten my work well and done. That tapioca town is like twilight zone... a place you go into and get stuck for good. Or I should say black hole instead.
Eu, Wendy and I went on a road trip to give us (me) a chance to recuperate. We were only away for a little less than 2 days and did I return refreshed? Hardly. Rather I came back to even greater malaise.
But it probably did good. I noticed how I tend to write more, and write better, during the times of my life when I'd rather not be alive.
Yet who can stop me from singing?
The photo above was taken at an old granny's home - except she wasn't home. The story is complicated, but in the simplest sense, we had a chance to tour the home and befriend a lonely Cambodian lady who worked at the home.
She held my hand as she recounted her stories and seemed as though she was ready to tear. We could see that she'd been longing for a companion, although she never said she did.
I held her in return and nodded to her tales. I hardly spoke, but that didn't matter.
I should have always been that way
Aside, I hadn't seen the evening sun the whole week. Morning - I see, Lunch - maybe, Night fall - surely.
I thought it was pretty when I finally saw it again today.
Still, there's nothing that will stop me from singing
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. - Hebrews 11:6
Was at Action City with Eueu when I saw the Cubic Room series of toys back on sale. They only had the doggy series and I was wondering if I could get a Pomeranian. I love pomeranians! Because my beloved Pon Pon is a pom. :)
As I took a box, I didn't hope much. All I did though, was say a little frivolous prayer in my heart.
"God, if u are listening, make me happy... let me have what I want"
We walked out of the store. I didn't expect much. Surely wasn't going to blame God if I didn't get what I want.
But guess what?
I did. I got a lovely pom.
I may still hurt, but God is no doubt so real. So very real.
I'm praying for you, love. Today, tomorrow, and everyday. That you may hurt no more. Pain no more. And truly be happy.
Eileen, Flo and I put this crappy video together during our time in Melbourne. It wasn't because we were so bored but because we were assigned a "Make Us Laugh" project by Reinar and Tim. Basically, we had to put up something or do something - alone or in a group of any number - that will make Reinar and Tim laugh. We had only one week or two to decide what we should do and I don't know how we ended up putting our visit to the zoo and our random videos together but this video did make them laugh. And it kept us laughing about it even now.
Nostalgic stuff. Haha.
In case you're wondering, notice that poor victim at the end of the video? That's me.
So, my birthday is over. It was, of course, over since 3 days ago but hey, the celebratory events didn't stop till today. At least I think that should be all.
On 30th September, I started getting in an all time happy mood - not because of my birthday, but because of Ratatouille!
I LOVE RATATOUILLE!
The next day, my mood dropped slightly when I had to endure a meeting with a client I didn't quite like. =x And then, when I was going to church for prayer meeting... I arrived at the bus stop at 730pm (already late for the prayer meeting) and up till 8pm, there was no bus! What's worse, I checked MobileIris then and it said the next bus will be arriving in 14 MINUTES.
I was utterly disappointed in our bus services. By the time I arrived in church, it was 9pm and they were already into the last 2 prayer points. *faints*
Anyway, after the prayer meeting, Zong Ren and I went to town for the late night shopping. He got really bored and sulky - obviously - but I was really happy. Haha. I bought this "SAVE THE ANIMALS" top from Forever21 and I love it to bits. Hee :) The design is quite plain but I guess the statement (and the random wildlife illustration) really did it for me. I'm a sucker. I know. :X
I also got a top and a skirt from Little Match Girl (which Zong Ren paid) at $10 each! There was this massive storewide sale - everything at $10 each. It was close to midnight but the people there were still ravaging mad! I was waiting for Zong Ren - who went to buy Redoxon from Watsons, so I thought I'll just grab something randomly and see if I'd like it. Amazingly, my first grab proved fruitful. Hur hur. And it was in my size. So I moved to the next empty corner (there were almost none actually) and found a pretty skirt in my size! Heehee.
We got home soon after because I was yawning like it was already 3am. But not before it past midnight (aka my birthday!) while we were on the bus back to his place. He sang me happy birthday at least 5 times that night. :)
On Saturday (my birthday!), we had Azabu Sabo. It was delicious! The food was good. The dessert was superb. Will definitely go there again :) Unfortunately, I was stuck in a traffic jam for too long and only arrived at Marina Square at 7pm. We had to rush through our dinner, stuffing myself crazy, because we had a 730pm concert to catch.
We were late. :( Missed the first piece - which I really wanted to listen to - but thankfully, not the second feature piece with Sergio Tiempo. Sadly, we were on the wrong side of the concert hall! I couldn't watch him play but it sure was another jaw-dropping experience. I love SSO concerts!
After the concert, Zong Ren bought me a new purse from the Esplanade Shop. From Fluff by Claudette Barjoud, it's an uber-cute doggie clasp purse that even has a little pocket on the inside! It was love at first sight. I still can't stop looking at it now. Haha. Thank you, Love! :)
Then, we took a walk around the Esplanade area... caught some random concerts (one had Daphne singing, another had a mass of people dancing to it...), had a $1 ice cream cone, and went to Mustafa. I bought a refill for my Sheaffer and was starting to feel really sleepy at this point... Haha.
Sunday. I had a crabby dinner with Zong Ren, Liwei, Eunice, Jill (& Ash), Wendy, Enoch & Shirleen. :) Yummy! It was my first time trying the crab beehoon although not my first time trying crabs at Mellben Seafood. It was shiokalicious! I also loved the fried yam rolls thingy. It's a bit like my favourite yam pie but with a different dough. Haha.
The best thing about the dinner (and almost every other crab dinner I have with Zong Ren) is the wonderful fact that Zong Ren "peels" all the crabby stuff for me. I basically just eat while he de-shells the crabby claws. Heehee. :)
Today. I went for a company lunch at cedele. I had thought it was to welcome our new account manager but I suppose it was a 2-in-1 affair. They got me a cake (which tasted organically healthy but really good!) and sang me a song. It felt kinda awkward but I was glad there was no strange stand-on-chair-with-clown-hat thing that Terry had to endure. Haha. ;)
And I went with Eunice to Marks and Spencer to spend away the $50 Robinsons voucher I got from the company as my birthday gift. Heehee. I bought a M&S bra (always wanted one!) and some other random food stuff for the others in the office, and of course, for my beloved Zong Ren - who made my birthday a really happy one.
Feen, I love you!
Yippie. And it didn't end there.
My favourite bit about my birthday still... was that I had a good dinner with my dad just now. We had the crab and pork ribs remnants from yesterday's dinner. My dad actually already had dinner but I asked him to join me and he said yes. In the end, he ate like 90% of everything. Haha. :)
Reinar is really an amazing person. On its own, this photo would have been already spectacular. But with Reinar, it gets even better. He found a connection between a shot in the real world and an excerpt from the imaginary.
I was just telling Liwei that when I first read what Reinar wrote, I thought it sounded like Murakami. Then when I scrolled through, I realised it really was Murakami.
I feel really lousy. I think I make a lousy friend - especially in trying to keep in touch. I bet I'm the only kuku who hardly speaks to anyone from my school days with the exception of perhaps Jill & Eunice (from Poly) and occasionally Flora & Eileen (from Uni). Everyone else, as much as I really treasure the friendship, I can't seem to stay in contact with... even with technology of MSN and friendster and what not.
Like take for example, I had so very very much wanted to catch up with my sec sch pals to celebrate Jo's wedding. But eventually, I got so bogged down with everything and anything that it totally slipped my mind. Everytime I happen to scroll through my MSN and see her online, I feel like I don't deserve to be called her friend. And everyone else whom I had initially attempted to gather.
I really suck. You know, friends, when I say let's meet up, I don't say it for the fun of it. I really mean to. But I guess I make a bad organiser. Pls, initiate and organise one, then invite me? I'll come, I promise. :(
Earlier, Liqi dropped me and SMS to invite me to her place for CNY and it put a smile on my face. I really want to be there, even if I'm not so important a guest... because my friends are very important to me!
Our new SJCP soccer team. Nice jersey, isn't it? Pray that God will make use of this team in every way to further His kingdom. Thanks be to God that we lost our first match but we learnt something more important than winning the match.
Love and forgiveness.
I'm proud of Canaan and Vance for their courage to initiate peace.
Nonetheless, we played well. I'm proud of the team.
I was browsing thru some of my old blog entries from at least 4 years ago (or more) and I dug up this quote, that perhaps is a timely reminder - for me. :)
Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.
It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away...just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories, so when you go over it a second time, you can enjoy it again.
- Maurine Jones
Blessed Christmas, everyone. :)
On another note, for all who received our badges (designed & made by us!!!) this Christmas...
Do note that each one is personalised with your name on it! I know it's not obvious because it's bent to the side (on purpose!) but it's there! And lovingly so too!
And I supposed I also have to mention that because we had limited supply (of ink, and the other raw materials), we were unable to make one for everyone we love. (We do love everyone!)
So if you've got one, it's because 1) You're in our homecell. (yay! we love you most! heehee) 2) You're related to our homecell. (yay! your names would be bernard, grace & kaiting!) 3) You are very extremely important to us/have touched our lives in a very special way. 4) You're someone we have been especially praying for. :) 5) And lastly, you gave us something this Christmas. :P (okay, yes. we're realistic.)
If you didn't get one, it doesn't mean we don't love you. We do! (Do note that it may also mean that we haven't had the chance to pass one to you.)
And yes, we love everyone of you. Praying that you'll all have a most blessed and joyous Christmas. :)
I met them in school, when we were classmates for awhile. They became my project group mates - for what reasons, I no longer recall - but the project I remember.
Ban Hock Fisheries, Public Relations Module.
And then they were my best friends, as it is now. :)
