I'm feeling so extremely tired that I'm going to bed right after this most random entry of photos taken with my mobile, which I dropped for the 3rd time this week. I think it's suffering from concussion already - but it's still so new! Sigh.
A pile of hamsters from the pet store & the coolest paper-cube-put-together-toy from cubeecraft.
Here's my painted hand...
An overdue shot of the lovely surprise I received...
Taken with my hp. Not too bad, ain't it? :) Bandung goodness! We were hunting for good bandung and you know, it's the coffee shops that serve better bandung -- not the restaurants. But the best I've had was from the Raya Bazaar. Malays make good bandung!
It was so funny when he tried to convince everyone that kids will love bandung, so it should be in the party... when in fact it's us who wants it! LOL.
Vincent, Zong Ren & Liwei's backs as they ran past Eueu & I during their Nike Human Race. We were complaining that they were taking too long, but I think they'll have the last laugh when I go for my tri. I still can't believe what I got myself into.
And this is the book I want. Anybody seen it anywhere?
I'm really broke. So broke that I'm so glad it's nearing payday soon. Phew.
And so very tired. Lord, Lord, leave me not and give me rest.
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ Washes me and raised this dead man's life
This Steve Fee's song has been ringing through my head all day - not just because I was listening to it in the morning, but more because of how the lyrics to the song have struck me today. Touch a raw nerve, you could say.
None of us on earth deserves to be alive. Even for those of us who desire to die. Yes, notice I said "us". I do desire to die. But it isn't death itself that I'm yearning for, but the eternal rest that I will find in Christ thereafter. So in actuality, if I were to think about my death per se, I doubt I'll be so enthusiastic as to say I want to die.
What's scary about death? Plenty. When I had to deal with the death of my pet mice, it was painful enough but I got over them soon after and there weren't any "side effects". When I had to deal with the loss of one of my dogs, I was and am still traumatized.
As I go about my day, images of what happened kept flashing through my mind and an overwhelming sense of fear would grip me. While I'm not sure what exactly I'm fearful about, the fear is real and it paralyses me.
Death is awful.
Last night, Rev Daniel's session about the problem of suffering came rather apt at a time in my life when I really feel quite tormented. Sure, I'm not actually in that bad a state, but it's quite a crumbling stumbling heartbreaking time. It feels like all I lack now is some sores on my body - then again, I do have some sores, though not as dreadful as the ones Job was inflicted with.
He talked about the classical view of the cause for suffering. Sin. You suffer because you have sinned.
Those were the resounding views of Job's three not-so-comforting friends. And I can just imagine how frustrating it would have been for Job because we read in the prologue that Job was an incredibly good man. If he had sinned so much as to deserve all that he had to go through, then what more his three friends, the rest of mankind, us?
He argues with both Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, that if it were to be true that he had sinned and thus is in torment, then why is it that no one else is suffering as he has. Even the obviously bad people are having it better than him. Who could have been worse? Why is he so special? Can't he be left alone for just a moment to swallow his saliva, he asks.
And indeed, Job's life is impossible to live through. Even his wife tells him to curse God and die - which in essence means for Job to commit suicide.
Do I want to commit suicide?
After my encounter with facing the coldness of death, the lost of a life and warmth that I've grown so familiar with in the last twelve years, I really do fear death.
I wish I were Enoch. Or Elijah. Or Reepicheep, for that matter.
Rest in peace, my dear. Until that day, when all my fortunes shall be restored before my very eyes, rest in peace.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
"The sorrows for the appointed feasts I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you.
At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes," says the LORD. Zephaniah 3:17-18, 20
On a more pleasant note, I wonder how many people realise that sunflowers aren't the only flowers I like? As a child, I once wrote an essay titled "My favourite flower" and here it is.
It wasn't until I watched Black Cat White Cat that I shifted my attention towards the towering sunflower after having fallen in love with the romance between Zare and Ida.
I also most recently noticed how lovely yellow calla lilies are. Yellow calla lilies 6, originally uploaded by tanakawho
So eventually, I spent the last 20 mins and the early moments of 2 Sept, with the one who means most -- and there I concluded all greetings and well-wishes, and was very glad it's over.
So here it is. My chocolate & banana ice cream, made healthily with soya milk! Thus, it's not as creamy as it probably could have been with thickened cream. I suppose. Hmmm...
This was how it looked like before I froze it. It would have looked a little like mayonnaise if thickened cream was used.
Anyway, I should really get a better cake mixer.
And yes, I am rather fond of these China girls. Zheng Jie & Li Na. pssst...in case the pictures don't appear, that's because I'm deep-linking them from other sites. hurhur.
I've been catching the US Open (or whatever I can of it) and with Ana Ivanovic out of the game, I've decided to lend my fullest support to................................
RAFAEL!
LOL. Just kidding! Although yes, I will definitely support Nadal for the mens but I'm going to root for Zheng Jie for the womens. I doubt she'll win though, but she has my support no less.
not that it really matters to her. d'oh.
Okay, I think I'm still a little shakened by today's 'ordeal' so my thought-process is a little... erm. Strange. Sobs. It has been a frightening day!!!
But my God is faithful my ever-present help in time of need!
Like how I keep emphasizing to Vincent, here's the main reason why I cannot have an iPhone. I love the camera on my Sony Ericsson! Not that it's a fantastic one, but that I can take photos wherever I go, whenever I want and MMS it away to people who matter! :) Yeah well, that will unfortunately now exclude both Liwei and Vincent. (Liwei's phones were never able to receive MMS for some strange strange reason, and he calls himself a photographer!)
Anyway, I bought my Hokkien Mee dinner there today and convinced everyone it's the best ever -- with agreeing nods thereafter. The stall and its owners have been in business ever since I can remember. I have been eating their hokkien mee and char kway teow from the time I was a puny little kiddo. Run by a couple, the uncle fries nonstop, the aunty serves and takes orders. They both carry brilliant smiles and excellent service too.
I nearly killed myself today. LOL. Why am I laughing? Because I prayed that God will protect me and surely, He did. It's hard to put into words how and what happened, but God was certainly real and awesome. I should also add that I prayed for God to teach me and reveal more of Himself to me, and that too, He did. (:
Anyway, I took the above shot earlier this week. It suddenly poured so I ended up turning in 'illegally' to avoid the rain, and then thought it would be good to keep a memory of the bike that I've been learning on. I don't even know what model it is, except that it's a Honda. A blue Honda -- which you can obviously see in the picture.
Oh well, my arm really hurts now. It's time to get back on my knees and thank God for all that has happened.
I was watching this man dive a difficulty 3.4 yesterday and all I could manage to say was, *GASP*. It was beeauuuutifuuuul! And he had near perfect scores of 10s and 9.5s.
And there were the two Emmas in the triathlon... ...who made me want to go swimming, cycling and running!
But the weather hasn't been too fair lately. Hmm... And d is still drooling over that Russian girl! Too bad Phelps is ugly. LOL. Otherwise, I'd have something to blab back at him.
And have you heard? A 19-year-old has taken Gold for an Open Water 10km race. AWESOME! I love swimming in open waters. :)
Okay, I should get back to my flyer now. Sian. Haha.
Wow. I never thought I'd see this photo again until Kara and I finally found each other on Facebook. (P.S. She's awesome!) Just check out my young innocent face. Wahahaha...
All right. I'll admit. If there was just one point in my life when I was anything but innocent, it would have to be during that period of my life.
Just recently, I was going through some of my old diaries and weblog entries and it seems almost like I was a totally different person. "Eeew. What was I up to?"
Sordid history.
But anyway, Berkelah bears no vile memory. Every bit of our climb up (and down) was awesome. Perhaps it was that trip that made me fall in love with trekking. Not that I trek much, but I really do love it and I'm pretty good with climbing! The guys were nice then, they called me Tomb Raider -- for being the one girl who climbed so quickly and without any masculine help at all. But if they had meant to make it sound bad, like how Drew did once, you could call me a monkey.
I remember, also, the burning heat of the day and freezing cold of the night. There weren't space left in the tents so I stayed out by the cliff side with Mark and nearly turned into ice. He had a hard time helping his pet dino (aka me) thaw the next morning. LOL. Though we did manage to have ice milo thanks to the cold. The bottle of hot milo we left out the night before turned into ice cold milo. Yeah, it was that cold.
And there was that running joke about how Kara woke up in the morning asking, "What is that sound?" (the waterfall, duh.)
Speaking of all these makes me miss another place as well. Bako National Park. :)
And while I'm reminiscing old times, d is drooling over the hot athlete on TV. Idiot. :P
Awesome view, isn't it? It is almost strange to think that I once travel through this bridge and even took photos (lousy, awful photos) of it. I vaguely remember saying to someone that hey, this is where 98 degrees sang their MTV right?
98 degrees! You're my sunshine after the rain You're the cure against my fear and pain Cuz I'm losing my mind when you're not around It's all, it's all because of you
Was trying to find some inspiration for all the flyers and logos I had to do today and ended up searching all the way back to my old weblog in dates of 2002. It sure seemed like I was far more open with my emotions then, and not to mention, a whole lot messier than I ever was.
I knew I had a crazy life but I don't remember it being so awful.
And so we all grow up somehow. We fall, we pick up, we mature, we quieten and become more reserved. Perhaps.
If I had to live my life again, I wouldn't want to do the many things I used to do -- but then would I have experienced life any better? Would I have found God's love ever more real?
The pains and struggles of today -- are they any lesser than those of my adolescence? Or more? I suppose I'd never really know because as far as I can feel, it's always here and now that is the worst.
Today I wonder about what I could have done. Yesterday I dreamt about what I will be doing. Tomorrow I understand the makings of the day before.
It's strange. All so strange. I think my brains were so frozen today that now everything seems stranger than before.
Do we learn to treasure only when we've lost?
I've also decided one more thing. Someday, I want to visit Damrak in Amsterdam and take a photo amongst these buildings. Damrak - Amsterdam, originally uploaded by MorBCN (de vacances).
Have I already mentioned that Macau is really pretty? Let's go there together sometime...
I just kept praying And still I kept falling Short of your glory Far beneath perfection Created to bless To honour and praise Yet accursed am I Filthy and grime Still you keep loving Believing in me Using me for purposes Beyond my extremes Forever will I worship You are my king Always, till eternity sings
Walking home, a phone call rings I knew I wasn't alone Movies, games and late night chats More to life than before Criticism, I took to heart Harshness, I couldn't face So many thoughts that fill my mind And a measure I can't make He said he does, he will I lost the confident trust No fault of his, but of my own Unable to believe Face, accept, forget -- they say I finally made a choice Deleted, erased and eradicate Gone away for life It is good; indeed it is Very well for the soul Honey to the wounded Milk for broken bones Memories that beseech me joy Remembrance of more tears Cry no more, my sweet little darling And rest safe in my care I'll be there for you
Hello, my love Hello
I went swimming again today, what with the hoohaa at the hub. I hope swimming will help my spine -- doubt it. But it really hurts. It hurts so bad I don't know what I can do about it. It's not even a muscle problem anymore.
And I'm still waiting for the x-ray and my blood test result. Why do they take so long? Am I dying already?
Probably shouldn't be typing this here But I wanted you to know And knew no other means That I was hurt by what you said today It reminded me of the pain Of the day I found myself lost and alone Walked away from you Today you were upset with me While I was upset with you I didn't mean to let you down I just didn't know what to do Were you at all important, or is there something more If I had myself an answer I wouldn't be so forlorn If only I made a moment To myself, and God alone And sought His wise counsel To save myself from tears
I suppose I had a bad day and feeling really down in the duummmpps in every sense and well, erm... I don't have much else to say. But I do wonder when will my medical report be out.
I shall be fine when I wake up. "Ming tian hui geng hao"
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
It was only during my conversation with Vincent earlier that I realised that I have travelled out of the country at least four times in the last 7 months, and by that I don't mean Johor Bahru -- but beyond. I don't know if I have ever done that before but it feels like a lot just thinking about it.
I remember how I often wished for my family to go on holidays together when I was a child. I took my first plane flight only when I was 16 or 17, to -- guess where? -- Bangkok. And since then, I've been on planes that go for as long as 15 hours... 7 hours... 3 hours... Though it has always been on shoestring budget.
I often envy families who make holiday trips abroad together. In fact, I envy families who even make time to do things together. But that's another topic for another entry.
Today I felt like I should be somewhere else. I jokingly said that hopefully, my test results would turn out negative and perhaps even dire. So I can be put to rest, meet my Maker, and say so long to everyone here. Maybe, just maybe.
Surely I'm not suicidal, but don't you wish that you could be in paradise with Christ too?
There's really little that keeps me going each and every day. I know it sounds very bleak, but it actually isn't. The only purpose that keeps me alive and doing the many things I do each day lies in the hope of seeing my Maker someday. And for now, in pleasing Him everyday. Even while I'm still figuring out how that works, God really is the only reason why I wake up everyday... and more so, the reason why I love, the reason why I smile.
Very soon, I'll be 25 and I actually feel rather frumpy about it. Mid-life crisis.
And my back hurts like I'm already 50. It hasn't hurt so bad before. I almost think it's broken. Brokeback me.
I seriously think I need a new mattress, and 20 sessions of Tui Na. Or maybe acupuncture.
Everything on earth has its own time and its own season. There is a time for birth and death, planting and reaping, for killing and healing, destroying and building, for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing, for throwing stones and gathering stones, embracing and parting. There is a time for finding and losing, keeping and giving, for tearing and sewing, listening and speaking. There is also a time for love and hate, for war and peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Late at night when I'm awake I gaze upon the starlight Ongoing cars, make for a noisy night It seems... The city = insomniac too
Long distance phone calls Exorbitant bills I wish your time was mine Thankful for technology Yet so unsatisfied, my heart sings
Praying for days to pass me by My dreams at last behold When you'll finally return home And be with me again
Had a short conversation with Aunty Linda, who tells me about how weddings in church are always so beautiful. She hopes her son and her future daughter-in-law would marry in church. Then adds that God has been so good to her and shares with me her stories.
I love talking to Aunty Linda, even though she speaks mostly Hokkien (which I barely understand). She's full of the love and service, and always unafraid to speak about God and His goodness.
I'm in a rather solemn mood -- praying and trying very hard to hear the voice of God. It is in times of such that I find it hardest to listen to God... when my heart is just not quite there.
This is out-of-the-world random, but too adorable to miss. I love 'em monkeys!
I miss waking up to monkeys and that wild hog pig. I miss the flying squirrels and the hilly adventures. I miss the sight of that beautiful sea as we stood up on the cliff. I miss trekking. I miss Borneo.
I have been reading the news on Irrawady ever since I came back from my Thailand trip, after flipping through the magazine while I was in Mae Salit. The news is forever -- almost, gloomy.
Sometime back, when I was at Kai Lun's(?) Karen Photo Exhibition, she told us about a Burmese lady who spoke to her. According to that lady, the Karens are not as pathetic as they have been portrayed and everything has just been blown out of proportion by outsiders. It brings to my mind how I've met people who think that Singapore is a very oppressed nation and how I'd often say that that's not true.
Perhaps it is just that I have never been persecuted, so I assume nobody else has.
But the story is not about Singapore. It's about the Karens.
This was the sunrise I woke up early to see one morning. It was about 4am that we woke up, and about 6am that we reached the mountain top. It didn't actually look so pretty. The photo has been edited. It was rather hazy/cloudly and I was freezing cold. But only the colours of the photo has been edited. The view was nonetheless spectacular.
Who else could have created something like that but the grand master artist of all? My Papa, the great designer. :)
For such a beautiful sight, it's almost ironic to think that there is a war going on hidden behind that beauty. It is in that forested area that the Karens have their HQ, with the mountain range as their natural fortress against the Junta.
And just little steps away, are the many Karen villages littered all across the borderline of Thailand -- one of which I was staying in.
Collin, Yahui and I took a walk one day after brunch, to the border river. We thought we couldn't go further past the guard post but one local told us to go ahead. He showed us which way to go to get the best shots and there we were again, standing the middle of Karen state, and on the borderline of Thailand and Burma.
I wonder what would my life be like if I were Karen. Or even if my name was Karen, instead of what it is. Life may just be very different.
I could have grown up stripping myself naked and jumping into the waterfall everyday.
This is random, but that's my hand... and that's very pretty little Aurora. So sweet she is, (as is Arielle and Rhi-anne) that it makes me wish I had a baby girl too. A little daugher -- or maybe just a baby sister.
High five, she says. And a baby five, she gave. :)
Back from camp and feeling a little out of sync. Might be the lack of rest last night. The camp seemed to have gone by so quickly. There was hardly any time to just sit around and do nothing! The games were fun -- although I had to eat sand and flour. The food was seriously unappetizing. The room floors were sandy and the heaters were lousy. But the beds were comfy and I liked my balcony. The message was stirring. The discussions were insightful. The retro night was a bag of laughs.
I'm tired. I'm not sure from what. But I most definitely am very tired.
it should have been earlier but now it seems too soon. not quite ready to say goodbye, nor quite ready to say I do. But just so that I could be close to you -- to which, I really should I'm throwing out the things that I'm used to. And now I hold your hand... in my new promise of truth.
I'm really tired. Must be the accumulation of late nights and early mornings! But it was an awesome day. Hee. I got up relatively early and spent some time praying before I went to catch a cab down. Then we played connect4, ate cheese toast and shared about "God's secrets".
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. Jeremiah 33:3
It's definitely not a new verse to me, but it became extra special to me today so... I'm adding it to my list of all time favourite verses! (: hee.
Then I scurried off to youth service, for another of my all time favourite verses.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
Most people quote from verse 11 (as did today) but it is in verse 13 that I find most dear.
And then we read Watchman Nee and went grocery shopping for my favourite yoghurt and duck noodles. Hur. Now I'm home feeling so tired but so delighted. Don't know if I'm making sense... so I shall go to bed. Zzzz. Good night, love!
YANGON: More than 15,000 people died after a powerful cyclone swept across Myanmar last weekend, including 10,000 in a single town, the military government announced Tuesday in state media. Read full story>
Yesterday it was a few hundred people, this morning it was 10,000, now it's 15,000. Do you know how many people 15,000 is? That is about 12 Secondary Schools in Singapore. That is about 500 times the size of my company. That is 3750 families of 4.
I'm not quite sure why I feel sad -- although it sounds perfectly normal to be sad with this kinda news. But really, I haven't been affected by these kinda news in a long time. Probably for a good many years of my life.
So I don't know why I'm upset. Perhaps I was already in a glum mood to begin with. Or perhaps, it's the theory of proximity.
Dear Abba Father, may you bring comfort to those affected and may your will be done.
My godnephew leh. Hehe. So cute, isn't he? Well, I think so. Hur hur. Makes me think about my lele. ;) This little bundled up baby is such a marvel. Makes me wanna say "God is awesome!" gazillion times over.
"Every element of our own self-reliance must be put to death by the power of God. The moment we recognize our complete weakness and our dependence upon Him will be the very moment that the Spirit of God will exhibit His power." - excerpts from My Utmost for His Highest
material wants = evil. ...but who could resist? Not me!
I WANT A DUCATI HYPERMOTARD! 1100 S, please.
Unfortunately, it's 1098 cc -- which means, I'll need at least two years before I'm allowed to ride one. Sobs. Meanwhile, if you happen to see its toy model, scream and I'll be there -- pronto.
And I think I may have just found the bass guitar I want... Good, cheap and pretty.
Now, onto the search for the perfect amp. Forward and beyond!
It's strange to remember now, the way we were. The cold night. The angelic choir. The hot mocha. The long walk back. The laundromat. The late night chats -- sitting by the corridor. The pillow fights. The laughter. The lettuce and kimchi. The railway ride. The afternoon BBQ. The graffiti. The live bands. And back to the laundromat again.
Another drive, another trip Another night with you Another moment for contemplation Another reason to run and hide
Making decisions and saying yes -- plenty of brainwork involved!
Lord, give me the strength to discern To only do what honours you To allow you to lead me on To give to you all my heart's desires To live only for you alone
Generally speaking, emails are really bothersome. So bothersome, you wish they were never invented. But when you open one that makes you smile as wide as I did when I saw this pug, you'd thank God for email. It keeps you going when you hit the wall. :)
And here's one for my pig-dog-friends I can't get enough of.
I've got heaven on the inside of me Peace and joy God has set me free Heaven is a reality Abundant life flows out of me I've got a smile on my face A glide in my stride I'm tasting his grace And I'm walking by faith I've got heaven on the inside of me I've got heaven flowing out of me I'm bring heaven into this world
Joy, joy, joy I've got such joy in my heart I've got peace, peace, peace I've got such peace in my heart
I remember the day it all began It was the day that I was born again An explosion took place on the inside of me It was the Spirit of God setting me free
Brilliance! Haha. I've had a spectacular weekend, relishing the little joys of learning, sharing, laughing and loving... It was amazing! Yay.
But you know what? Even if nothing special happened, it would still be a spectacular day simply because This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
So... what did I do? Well, besides ice-skating and singing... we watched Run, Fatboy, Run last night -- it was hilarious... had Crispy Oat Sotong twice within 24 hrs only to have the uncle say, "hey you're back"... and B said "The sotong is drugged. We're hooked". Hahaha. Today, I totally enjoyed myself playing for community praise and I was so happy to see Sam back!!! Never thought I could miss him more, and he's back just in time. Yay. :) Oh! And I bought the prettiest fabric ever and in two weeks, it'll be my masterpiece. I can just see it coming! Wahaha. So proud right, but I was over the moon when Deb said I'm ready for more advanced stuff. Who would have thought all my random mish-mash would actually do me any good? :) ADVANCEMENT, here I come!
Falling in love is an amazingly fierce emotion that it'll take the strength of Goliath to fend it off, for yet all it takes is a little boy with a sling to drop you down again.
One. A very sweet certain someone took this photo thinking that I'd like it and yes, I love it! Seeing it in my inbox really made my day. :)
Two. A pocket was burnt to buy me something that I'd like, hoping that it might cheer me up. Of course it cheered me up. Who doesn't love a maki squarepatch? :)
Three. To my dear bfl! Never think that you are alone, or that you have no way out. Though everything seems to be so dark now, and we can't help but to question why... but we can trust and know that we have a God who never leaves us nor forsakes us. Nothing that happens is ever beyond His control. He will always be with you -- regardless of what we've been through -- and He's here to lead you and carry you through.
And I will always be here for you. It won't be long before we'll see the light. Just keep holding on and remember I love you loads and loads and loads!
You are the everlasting God The everlasting God You do not faint You won't grow weary You're the defender of the weak You comfort those in need You lift us up on wings like eagles
And the sick is me. I hate coughs! I've been coughing so much, I feel like I've got pneumonia or TB or something of that sort. AAAAARRRGGGHHHH... Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
All right. Grumblings aside. I'm feeling a little floaty. I think I'm high on drugs -- cough syrup. But there's a song my heart wants to sing...
Your eye is on the sparrow And Your hand, it comforts me From the ends of the earth To the depths of my heart Let Your mercy and strength be seen
You call me to Your purpose As angels understand For Your glory may you draw all men As Your love and grace demands
And I will run to You To Your words of truth Not by might, not by power But by the Spirit of God Yes, I will run the race Till I see Your face Oh, let me live in the glory of Your grace
Seek first God's kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well. So don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:33-34
There's something I want to say, but my drugged mind and inflamed throat is making me very woozy. I'll... continue... tomorrow...
It's really dreadful to wake up at 3 in the morning to discover that you're burning your brains away!
Aside, I was just listening to Colbie Caillat while chatting with Gloria. Just when I was about to ask her to check out the songs, she tells me she loves Colbie Caillat! Eeek. Haha. If Gloria wasn't so much younger than me, I think we'd be doing a whole lot of things together and hanging out every other day. I love you, girl!
I love Colbie Caillat too!
Anyway... on the subject of great music, B & I went for The Roots concert on Friday night and it totally rocked! He was so excited when ?uestlove came on stage that he was jumping and shrieking like a child! We both loved the tuba guy - Damon "Tuba Gooding Jr." Bryson, because we had no idea that a hip hop band would have their own tuba player. (Hmm... What do you call a tuba player? A tubarist?) And there was the crazy guitarist Captain Kirk Douglas, whom B said had such awesome showmanship... and I couldn't agree more!
At the end, ?uestlove was throwing signed drum sticks and drum skins out to the crowd. Unfortunately, none came our way. But we enjoyed ourselves no less and he joked that someday, he'll be throwing his own drum sticks into the crowd. I'll be looking forward to that day too :) For now, there are plans to record a gospel album to be released in Indonesia. We had this whole joke about how the album's not going to reach the masses since there aren't many Christians in Indonesia but a mere 8%. Then we realised there are 250mil people in Indonesia, which makes it 20 million Christians!
I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation And the only explanation I can find Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around Your love's put me at the top of the world
I'm incredibly insanely impossible happy! Haha. :) I'm so happy, that I just want to sing a song, hobble about, and jump in glee.
Something in the wind has learned my name And it's tellin' me that things are not the same In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me
Yeah! :)
Updated 0200hrs Remember what I said at the very end of yesterday's post? God proved that my joy is indeed well-snuggled in His warm loving care. Things are indeed not the same anymore, when happiness blooms brighter than ever before.
Moods are very scary things. One moment you're up high and flying, the next moment you just feel like under-the-table is the best place to be - if not faraway where nobody can see you.
Woke up today with immense pain in my abdominal area. I'm a veteran in monthly cycle cramps but each time I experience it, it just feels like a whole new level of pain.
In any case, these evil cyclic occurrences come even more dreadful by the sheer fact that my moods are also greatly affected. So I'm in this total realm of pain inside and outside.
He said you are paranoid; I think I agree.
While I have swept up the mess that I couldn't before clean, it seems like this time, the anguish surpasses all that was before. But by His grace, the burden is not mine alone to carry. And by His grace, my past wounds are healed.
Tomorrow, I believe, today's grief shall be released.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.
Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
-- No, there isn't any connection between the pretty print and the bible passage.
Anyway, I'm so full now! I skipped lunch and almost thought I had to go without dinner. It feels quite crappy when you realise there's almost no one else left in the office... especially Eu and Wendy who left before me. But it was not to be! Hehe. I had fried rice, coffee pork ribs and fu yong egg for dinner! Yum yum. I love fu yong egg... and I've been dying to have Salted Fish Fried Rice for the longest time.
Thanks man, you're da best! (: (: (:
And I wanna watch Horton! Jay Chou's Kung Fu Dunk was good! Not because I'm a Jay Chou fan... but because it was really hilariously good! I was trying to tell Eu & Wendy that it's good, but they don't seem very convinced. Oh well. Bleh. I'll tell Swt Love, maybe she'll drag Kel to watch. Haha. Just maybe.
I love those conversational "sermons" at RBC. These couple of days, they have been discussing about - guess what? - faith, of course! When life hits you hard and just doesn't make sense nor even seem fair, does our faith still exist?
It's very interesting because I have been reading (still am, since 2 weeks back) and re-reading the book of Hebrews, where faith is such a key measure of how pleased God is with us.
Faith, Hope, and Love.
Brief notes from my study: The opposite of faith is doubt and disobedience.
Faith is not about getting things from God, but is a way of resting in God.
When life became too heavy to carry, faith is about not challenging God and believing that sometime soon, God will lift the burden from us.
Faith is about coming before God in absolute humility.
His will, not mine.
All right. Totally not related, I got together with the old guys and I really mean old! We felt like we were with the wrong crowd (remind me again, never to try and fit in with the juniors) and the band was helluva noise-creator.
Had an Etsy afternoon, just clicking through and taking snapshots of what I thought were pretty things - hoping that they'll inspire me to giving that 'men's club' a name. I asked Isaac and Hongjun what would make them join a club, and they weren't of much help. But I noticed that money was a key drawing factor. A club with attractive benefits and promotions would lure them more than hot babes. Perhaps that is jus the view of two guys. We probably need a broader perspective.
Aside, it was rather surreal spending the whole night listening to them talk while watching the waves and the cuttlefish-like umbrellas. Each time my phone sounded with an SMS, I would notice also, the time it was. 330am. 4am. 423am. 5am. Until we finally decided to walk back to the main island, I really thought I was dreaming... sleep talking... just, really, disconnected from self.
Oh, and I had 3 2s twice in our rounds of dai dee, and I won both times. Wahaha.
Anyway, my body clock has been warped up over this holiday season. I've been reaching home at times when others are waking up. Oh well. I shall be spending some time with God before I think I'll concuss again shortly. Nap time. Haha.
Happy new year folks. Hmm... I think I've just about spent away all my new year money on taxis!
There was nothing to say the day she left Just filled a suitcase full of regrets I hailed a taxi in rain Looking for some place to ease the pain Then like an answered prayer I turned you around and found you there
I'm really really annoyed. Woo. I'm not angry, but really annoyed.
What's the difference? The difference is... I cannot bring myself to anger with you, but I'm definitely really irritated.
Werrroooofff. Grruuuufff. Snnuuff.
I wish you could really just listen to me this once and wake up from your fiddle-faddle ludicrousness!
PATIENCE, MY DEAR, PATIENCE.
OKAAAYYYY!
--
Sidenote, I loved CJ7 to bits! I just got back from catching it. It's my first movie in the Rat year since we caught it past midnight. Hehe. :)
PS. Thanks for accompanying me and being my date for the night. ;) Can't wait to catch Kung Fu Dunk next... and Ah Long Pte Ltd, just for laughs. Yeah.
Okay i'm not hooked. In fact i haven't been taking the medicine at all. One says 3 times daily, another says before meals, yet another is once every morning. Too many pills, too many timings, too confusing. And i'm so tired.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-4
It's quite amusing. I was telling Gloria how disgruntled I felt about something, and then she blurbs "Consider it pure joy!" without knowing where the verse was from. And when I took another look at the verse in its context, I noticed how it almost seems like the perfect verse for me now!
All right. I don't know if I'm making sense, but I'm really about to explode soon. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
I told the gang that this is where I'd want to live, because it's Happy Ave. And they took me in for a photo session, to introduce my house. Zhuai!
It was hilarious but I'm quite serious. I do want to live on Happy Ave. The lovely rows of old-town terrace homes matches my early dreams for a quaint garden-home, where dogs could run about... and I could have an old style swing somewhere by that porch. Somehow, I can't quite picture what else, or who else, there'd be in my quiet little house. Perhaps a chiku tree.
Speaking of dreams... I have been having very vivid dreams lately. Mostly the peculiar sort... then again, when are dreams not strange?
The anxiety... the migraines... and the dreams full of colour. Wow. I wonder what is going through my mind. It almost feels like I'm disconnected from myself. I haven't put much thought to many things of late. It sure seems like eternity has gone past me and despite the late nights, I haven't quite gotten my work well and done. That tapioca town is like twilight zone... a place you go into and get stuck for good. Or I should say black hole instead.
Eu, Wendy and I went on a road trip to give us (me) a chance to recuperate. We were only away for a little less than 2 days and did I return refreshed? Hardly. Rather I came back to even greater malaise.
But it probably did good. I noticed how I tend to write more, and write better, during the times of my life when I'd rather not be alive.
Yet who can stop me from singing?
The photo above was taken at an old granny's home - except she wasn't home. The story is complicated, but in the simplest sense, we had a chance to tour the home and befriend a lonely Cambodian lady who worked at the home.
She held my hand as she recounted her stories and seemed as though she was ready to tear. We could see that she'd been longing for a companion, although she never said she did.
I held her in return and nodded to her tales. I hardly spoke, but that didn't matter.
I should have always been that way
Aside, I hadn't seen the evening sun the whole week. Morning - I see, Lunch - maybe, Night fall - surely.
I thought it was pretty when I finally saw it again today.
Still, there's nothing that will stop me from singing
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. - Hebrews 11:6
One moment I'm so depressed, I'm ready to just die. Really. Then just a few quick minutes later, I return to sanity. I remember who I am and who God is. I stop and my heart eases.
I'm switching back and forth so quickly, that I think I really will lose it soon... if not for the love of friends and for God. I've never felt so much more in need of God than now.
It's quite funny. I think when I am sane, I can actually say the most rational things and I just told someone what to tell me when I start to swing the other extreme anytime soon. My rational sane mind is not quite communicating with my suicidal half.
Thankfully, the suicidal half is not quite half but barely a
