It's all because of Jesus I'm alive It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ Washes me and raised this dead man's life
This Steve Fee's song has been ringing through my head all day - not just because I was listening to it in the morning, but more because of how the lyrics to the song have struck me today. Touch a raw nerve, you could say.
None of us on earth deserves to be alive. Even for those of us who desire to die. Yes, notice I said "us". I do desire to die. But it isn't death itself that I'm yearning for, but the eternal rest that I will find in Christ thereafter. So in actuality, if I were to think about my death per se, I doubt I'll be so enthusiastic as to say I want to die.
What's scary about death? Plenty. When I had to deal with the death of my pet mice, it was painful enough but I got over them soon after and there weren't any "side effects". When I had to deal with the loss of one of my dogs, I was and am still traumatized.
As I go about my day, images of what happened kept flashing through my mind and an overwhelming sense of fear would grip me. While I'm not sure what exactly I'm fearful about, the fear is real and it paralyses me.
Death is awful.
Last night, Rev Daniel's session about the problem of suffering came rather apt at a time in my life when I really feel quite tormented. Sure, I'm not actually in that bad a state, but it's quite a crumbling stumbling heartbreaking time. It feels like all I lack now is some sores on my body - then again, I do have some sores, though not as dreadful as the ones Job was inflicted with.
He talked about the classical view of the cause for suffering. Sin. You suffer because you have sinned.
Those were the resounding views of Job's three not-so-comforting friends. And I can just imagine how frustrating it would have been for Job because we read in the prologue that Job was an incredibly good man. If he had sinned so much as to deserve all that he had to go through, then what more his three friends, the rest of mankind, us?
He argues with both Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, that if it were to be true that he had sinned and thus is in torment, then why is it that no one else is suffering as he has. Even the obviously bad people are having it better than him. Who could have been worse? Why is he so special? Can't he be left alone for just a moment to swallow his saliva, he asks.
And indeed, Job's life is impossible to live through. Even his wife tells him to curse God and die - which in essence means for Job to commit suicide.
Do I want to commit suicide?
After my encounter with facing the coldness of death, the lost of a life and warmth that I've grown so familiar with in the last twelve years, I really do fear death.
I wish I were Enoch. Or Elijah. Or Reepicheep, for that matter.
Rest in peace, my dear. Until that day, when all my fortunes shall be restored before my very eyes, rest in peace.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
"The sorrows for the appointed feasts I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you.
At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes," says the LORD. Zephaniah 3:17-18, 20
On a more pleasant note, I wonder how many people realise that sunflowers aren't the only flowers I like? As a child, I once wrote an essay titled "My favourite flower" and here it is.
It wasn't until I watched Black Cat White Cat that I shifted my attention towards the towering sunflower after having fallen in love with the romance between Zare and Ida.
I also most recently noticed how lovely yellow calla lilies are. Yellow calla lilies 6, originally uploaded by tanakawho
God's unending love and His amazing grace never fails to marvel me. I want so much to praise Him all of my days and rejoice in knowing that I can fully rely on Him.
But even as I pray today, I found myself still holding onto little areas of myself that refuses to surrender wholly to God. If I'm not willing to let God take control, then I'm simply missing out on the fullness of the joy found in relying completely on Him.
Forbid it that I should do so, Lord!
It's nearly 2 am, and I'm awake because I was trying very hard to create the above image. And now, I can't get myself to sleep. There's so much on my mind that I feel rather weak and helpless.
Still, I'm reminded once again of His unending love and amazing grace.
Faith. I need to build faith.
if only i could die today, so i may see my Saviour face to face forever rested, forever love
And can it be that I should gain An interest in the Savior's blood? Died He for me, who caused His pain- For me, who Him to death pursued? Amazing love! How can it be, That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Long my imprisoned spirit lay, Fast bound in sin and nature’s night; Thine eye diffused a quickening ray- I woke, the dungeon flamed with light; My chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth, and followed Thee. My chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
Still the small inward voice I hear, That whispers all my sins forgiven; Still the atoning blood is near, That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven. I feel the life His wounds impart; I feel the Savior in my heart. I feel the life His wounds impart; I feel the Savior in my heart.
No condemnation now I dread; Jesus, and all in Him, is mine; Alive in Him, my living Head, And clothed in righteousness divine, Bold I approach th'eternal throne, And claim the crown, through Christ my own. Bold I approach th'eternal throne, And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Are you afraid to die?
For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:6-8
I'm not. In fact, I'm longing so much for that day to arrive - the day where I can finally be put to rest and meet my Father face-to-face. Yearning for that day, where I can proclaim as Paul has.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
On that day, I'll finally be able to understand everything - on hindsight, and rejoice in knowing that I am done.
Yes, I'm running out of stamina but I will keep running. I will not only run, I will jump across hurdles with the strength of my Lord, for "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:25-27)
These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. John 15:11
Joy should not be confused with happiness. In fact, it is an insult to Jesus Christ to use the word happiness in connection with Him. The joy of Jesus was His absolute self-surrender and self-sacrifice to His Father— the joy of doing that which the Father sent Him to do.
Have the right relationship with God, finding your joy there, and out of you "will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38). -excerpts from My Utmost for His Highest
Understanding the joy of the Lord is understanding what goes far beyond our emotive senses. The highs and lows of our Christian walk should be measured according to our degree of faith and willingness to be yielded to Him -- and not by moments of emotional roller coaster rides.
When we are choked by the worries of this world, we lost sight of the joy that God has intended for us. So His Word tells us, to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" and to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2)
It's about His joy, not ours. But once we truly understand and are one with Him, His joy becomes ours -- and much more. There is where we learn to experience not just true joy, but true happiness that overflows with living water!
"To say that "prayer changes things" is not as close to the truth as saying, "Prayer changes me and then I change things." "God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person's inner nature." excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest
Prayer is so incredibly important. The busier we are, the more we need to pray. The person who says, "I have no time to pray," denies God of His authority and significance. He is in effect telling God, "I have far more important things than you."
When you are a given a choice to meet up with two different people (separately), the question is, who would you choose?
When d & j asked me out for the same evening, I made a natural selection to go meet d.
We only have time for the things and the people who we have esteemed with priority.
How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:1-2,10
A true believer never allows anything to disrupt his/her special moments with the One who really matters. Until we learn to accept and work out this reality in our lives, we will never truly experience the fullness of the life that God had intended for us.
To live without prayer is ultimately to disbelieve in God and to lose the most important human values, such as faith, hope and love. Dr James Houston
I know I really should be sleeping by now. It's way too late to be awake -- especially for little old me. But I cannot help but be so awed by God's gracious love...
Today, like every other day, I knelt before God in prayer. But today, unlike some other days, I came before God with a specific sin to confess.
It is an awful thing -- not the confession, but the guilt that sin brings. When I entertained the temptation to sin, my mind struggled and gave in -- thinking that perhaps it may make me happier, just this once. Unfortunately, it didn't and would never.
And like the many other sins in my life, it wouldn't have been the first time I'm encountering it, which makes it all the more shameful to think that I have already asked Him for forgiveness more than a handful of times before.
Yet today as I prayed and sank into a mild temporal depression, my ever-loving Saviour prompted me to read Mark 11:23... and my heart was lifted!
There, Jesus spoke about praying in faith. Not by our good works are we saved, but by our faith -- which performs miracles.
A prayer from the heart is never rejected by God. Instead, it justifies and removes us from our guilt, and purifies us by the grace of God.
In a commentary about this passage, Matthew Henry writes, "One great errand to the throne of grace is to pray for the pardon of our sins; and care about this ought to be our daily concern."
How wonderful it is to hear of His grace and unceasing love!
Of course, it is not excuse for me to sin again -- but so very grateful am I, for God has eased my burden the very moment I asked.
"Discouragement is disillusioned self-love, and self-love may be love for my devotion to Jesus— not love for Jesus Himself." My Utmost for His Highest
Since yesterday, the devotional on My Utmost for His Highest has been harshly dealing with whether or not you've been listening and obeying God. It's so easy simply to listen to what we want to hear and ignoring what we don't want, shrugging it off as something that isn't from God.
But I'm sure that you're just like me -- unsure of whether it really is God!
Rev Barry spoke about living out God's purpose in our lives yesterday and he mentioned 2 clues as to figuring out whether something is God's purpose and His will or not. One, is His purpose always benefits many. Two, His hand is in it.
The first is easily identifiable. At least much easier than the second. The second is as complicated as asking "How can I hear God?"! How do we know if God's hand is in something?
Well, it takes a lot of time spent conversing with our God -- in prayer.
I suppose there is no shortcut. We cannot expect to just go about our daily affairs and expect to suddenly obtain a revelation from God. Likewise, we also cannot expect to spent a mere 2 minutes in prayer and demand to be able to hear from God audibly. Until we are able to sincerely kneel before Him and spend considerable time searching our hearts, and His Word, we may never ever hear from Him.
So down on my kneels again I'll be. I will sing to and worship the King who is worthy I will love and adore Him I will bow down before Him You're my Prince of peace And I will live my life for You
What an incredibly high calling it is to declare that I will live my life for Him! Can I really do that?
As Rev Barry has described... hindsight is 100% right (or something to that effect). We somehow always understand things only upon hindsight. But ahead, we must look. And by faith, we must live.
You are Lord of Lords You are King of Kings You are mighty God Lord of everything You're Emmanuel You're the great "I AM" You're the Prince of Peace Who is the Lamb You're the living God You're my saving grace You will reign forever You are ancient of days You're the Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End You're my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and friend
You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for you
As I sang this today, I thought to myself... of all these 'names' we know of God, do they all mean anything at all to me? Is there a particular one that I'm most able to identify with; why?
And I thought it'll be a good question for all of us to ask too!
Is He only known to us as our Saviour, the Lamb sacrificed, the peace bringer... or is He also glorified in every sense that He deserves -- as Lord, Ruler, King, the great 'I AM'?
We have to keep in mind that God doesn't exist for us; we exist for Him. Jesus didn't just come to save us. He came to glorify His Father, and to do His Father's will.
It was never about us.
And today, I'm a happy girl -- because I'm well-loved! Woo. (:
Awesome view, isn't it? It is almost strange to think that I once travel through this bridge and even took photos (lousy, awful photos) of it. I vaguely remember saying to someone that hey, this is where 98 degrees sang their MTV right?
98 degrees! You're my sunshine after the rain You're the cure against my fear and pain Cuz I'm losing my mind when you're not around It's all, it's all because of you
Was trying to find some inspiration for all the flyers and logos I had to do today and ended up searching all the way back to my old weblog in dates of 2002. It sure seemed like I was far more open with my emotions then, and not to mention, a whole lot messier than I ever was.
I knew I had a crazy life but I don't remember it being so awful.
And so we all grow up somehow. We fall, we pick up, we mature, we quieten and become more reserved. Perhaps.
If I had to live my life again, I wouldn't want to do the many things I used to do -- but then would I have experienced life any better? Would I have found God's love ever more real?
The pains and struggles of today -- are they any lesser than those of my adolescence? Or more? I suppose I'd never really know because as far as I can feel, it's always here and now that is the worst.
Today I wonder about what I could have done. Yesterday I dreamt about what I will be doing. Tomorrow I understand the makings of the day before.
It's strange. All so strange. I think my brains were so frozen today that now everything seems stranger than before.
Do we learn to treasure only when we've lost?
I've also decided one more thing. Someday, I want to visit Damrak in Amsterdam and take a photo amongst these buildings. Damrak - Amsterdam, originally uploaded by MorBCN (de vacances).
Have I already mentioned that Macau is really pretty? Let's go there together sometime...
I took a brisk walk around Raffles Place after my medical appointment with Drs Bain today and had this surge of emotions going through me -- almost overwhelming, yet strangely distant.
OUB Centre reminded me of the dreadful hours spent in the client's office getting reprimanded every other week, for absolutely no good reason at all. Not too far off, MayBank Tower reminded me of the same.
As I surveyed the surroundings, I wondered to myself what my life would be like when I reach 30, if I had stayed on working the way I did just a few months ago.
I'd have a credit card - or more, on top of my gym membership, and perhaps (finally) a license to drive. I'd have namecards overflowing from my pockets and incessant phonecalls that I hated answering.
My life would have been un-me -- if it could put it that way.
So today, as I walked about in my jeans & tee -- with the 'I'm-still-a-student' look on my face (that got me rejected entry to the Casino in Macau!), I felt comfortable yet just that little bit unsure.
I know I look like a kid and that to many is a blessing. But I wonder if anyone realised that I don't like looking like a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm a quarter century old and I know I'm not immature no matter how playful I sometimes am, and how much I love toys. I don't like being treated like a kid, although it's paradoxical that I don't want to grow up either.
Perhaps there's nothing much I really want than the many things I don't want.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace
I've been gobbling down a lot of these recently, which spells a little trouble. As much as I love Twix (all time favourite chocolate, next to Almond Rocca), it is usually when I'm away in a foreign land or when I'm feeling stressed... troubled... bothered by something, that I would find myself consuming more of these.
So I did have at least 3 bars whilst in Hong Kong, and I'm still eating one as I type -- right at this very moment. I don't know what compelled me to buy it but I do know that there's this unspoken amount of stress finding its way into my life of late.
I've been hoping that it is just a hormonal change owing to the female's monthly cycle -- but it wasn't. And it took Seow Hon's sharing, albeit ultra-fast paced, to finally bring to mind all the many things that are making me feel the way I feel.
So dreadfully tired; so unfortunately human.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just being too harsh on myself, or the other extreme.
My God, my God, Save me from myself.
--
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:1-2
My transgressions, my iniquity, my sin. Father, against you have I sinned. Completely, utterly, incorrigibly Yet Lord, a broken spirit & a contrite heart You will not despise I know who I am in You Not I, but You live Forgive me, Father Purge me, cleanse me, renew in me Your joy You are faithful and just Your blood washes me ...white, so white. Teach me wisdom in my secret heart Guide me in Your paths of righteousness
-- All that I am, all that I have I lay them down before You O Lord All my regrets, all my acclaim The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours
Things in the past, things yet unseen Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true All of my hopes, all of my plans My heart and my hands are lifted to You
Somehow, I'm getting random anxiety attacks -- not that it's anything seriously disruptive or clinical about it. It's just that my heart starts to beat quicker than normal -- for whatever reason, I don't even know.
Here I am sitting in the office all alone, and I feel dreadful. Perhaps the first thing I should be doing, really, is to pray, and not to type this.
Today's night rally was really enjoyable somehow... Rev Dr David Wang was hilarious, and very dramatic. He was so dramatic that I was there thinking "poor ang, having a hard time trying to film him..."
But actually, while his message was rather inspiring and touching, it kinda didn't answer the topic of "Response to the Asian Challenge" and it seemed like there wasn't quite a message in his message at all... if you get what I mean.
Then as I thought about it, Jesus/God often did/does that too.
disclaimer: I'm just reminded about Jesus, and not trying to draw a parallel between Rev Wang's sharing with Jesus' teachings.
Jesus in the Bible has this habit of answering questions that weren't asked, and asking questions that nobody could answer. And essentially, it's not Jesus who has a problem with comprehension you know. It's us!
When we fail to see things from His perspective -- i.e. when we miss the point -- we tend to ask the wrong questions and then blame God for not answering us.
And I say this from a bit of experience.
It is when we seek the right thing (aka Christ himself!), that we are able to find the all the answers we ever needed! It is the realisation of God which clarifies even the most difficult questions. Rather than to seek specific answers, God's suggestion to us it "Seek me and find me...". That's the whole point.
The very knowledge of our Creator is so important that He repeats it over and over and over again throughout the Bible! "So that they may know..." he says.
I've been reading Ezekial and that appears so often that it dawned on me how much God really wants us to know Him, and how very important it is!
Okay, I'm very sleepy. If my chain of thought hasn't broken by tomorrow, I'll edit this entry. Nighty!
*-- edits 20 July 2008 655hrs --*
Dear Abba Father, Thank you, thank you, thank you... for the wonderful privilege of being able to come before you and address you as my Abba Father. Thank you for your personal and intimate relationship with me. Thank you for your abundant grace and mercy, and for teaching me thy righteousness. Thank you for the blood of Jesus shed for me. How undeserving I am, Father Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Awaken my heart, Lord, to your purposes. Move me, use me, send me, Lord -- to where you want me to be, to what you want me to do. Enable me to forsake my self rights and desires, and put in my heart, your very heart. Mould me, change me, make me an offering.
For you alone are God, my glorious, my Holy Father -- worthy of all praises and honour.
I heard this song several times before but never knew about the story surrounding it till today, and it made me cry.
Steven Curtis Chapman -- singer/songwriter of one of my favourite wedding songs I will be here, lost his youngest adopted daughter in a tragic accident just a couple of months ago. The little girl was a mere 5 year old child, adopted from China.
Matt Redman sang Blessed by Your name at her funeral -- aptly so.
The calling we have as Christians is no easy task, for it's definitely not a bed of roses. When we hear of tragedies such as these, or even experience afflictions in our lives, how ready and willing are we to say "Blessed be Your name"?
The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is not, "Do your duty," but is, in effect, "Do what is not your duty." It is not your duty to go the second mile, or to turn the other cheek, but Jesus said that if we are His disciples, we will always do these things...
Never look for righteousness in the other person, but never cease to be righteous yourself. We are always looking for justice, yet the essence of the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is— Never look for justice, but never cease to give it. - excerpts from My Utmost for His Highest
Doing what is right and good, rather than what I feel like doing. Doing what honours Christ and pleases God.
We are never necessary to God, but God is forever necessary to us.
Hmm... I thought Bishop John Tan shared a rather interesting sermon today. Interesting in the sense that while I'm relatively familiar with that passage he spoke from, I never quite saw it from the say he talked about.
Luke 9 talks about 3 different fellas who came asking about following Christ. As it turns out, each of them at some kinda problem. The first was unwilling to bear the cross of Christ -- wanting only the blessings of salvation and disregarding the hardships that will follow. The second procrastinates, unwilling to obey. The third declares commitment but upon his own terms rather than God's terms.
It makes me question if I fall into any of these categories... if I'm missing out on something. Missing out on the point of God -- unwilling in any way to full obedience. Lord, please open my eyes to see you.
God's grace is abundant, but that does not give me an excuse to use it for my advantage.
There were tears rolling down my cheeks as I stared hard at that box -- a box which contained the memories and what was left of the little one I loved. Somehow, after 8 previous little burials, I thought that I would have grown up, gotten used to it, and be ready to move on. But today's little one was very special to me. I can't even begin to describe why it would be so. As I remembered the moments I held her and kissed her, my eyes welled up and my heart sank. She was just so much of a darling.
It is so easy to shed tears for the one you love most. So easy to cross out all weariness and complaints, and simply love -- because that one is so lovable. Then wherefore goes the love for ones who are not so lovely?
I wonder why. I really wonder why God would choose to be bothered with us at all. Or for that matter, with me -- the worthless wretched being that I am. He doesn't need us yet he wants us. We need Him, yet so often, we reject Him. Just great.
I overheard a conversation today between two ladies on the train, who were probably in their early 30s or at most, late 20s. One was telling the other about how awful her ex-boyfriend is. The more I listened to her, the more I wanted to tell her that actually, it seems to me that she never knew what love meant. Not that I claim to know it all -- I obviously don't. But I do know that true love is not one who keeps records of wrongs done over years ago. Nor is it one which boasts in the self, and turns unreasonable -- "because he was unreasonable first", she said.
Now that their relationship is over, she grumbles about how he tells others that he was the one who dumped her -- when it was she who initiated it. And she is upset that he's telling everyone that he's seeing someone new... Then she says "Praise the Lord, I finally got rid of him."
Agreed that I don't know the man and perhaps he really was a jerk. But aren't we all just as imbecile, unpleasant and so unworthy? How can one be so in love one moment, then turn around and thank God it's over the very next?
If God had dealt with us the way we are so prone to behaving, we would have been eternally condemned long before our time.
Beware. Long entry ahead. Broken into parts complete with subtitles for your reading pleasure.
Knowing God One of the things that I've been thinking about lately is that it is really impossible for man to know God unless God chooses to reveal himself to us.
In Phillip Yancey's book, Reaching for an invisible God, he draws the analogy of man trying to create a form of communication with whales. He notes that when it does happen, man can only speak to whales about fish, plankton and the likes. That is all the whale will be able to understand. Man cannot hold a conversation with the whale regarding the latest technology and perhaps, the rising prices of rice.
Likewise, God being the all-knowing Creator, it is impossible for us to know the things He knows -- unless He chooses to speak to us about them. And because He is essentially immortal, invisible, unless He has chosen to reveal His nature to us, our mortal selves would never have fathomed a being such as Him.
What this brings to mind is that God has indeed revealed Himself to us -- if He were not, I would not have been able to speak of Him the way I do now. Yet at the same time, we run the risk of making Him out to be the way we want Him to be. Since we can never know Him completely the way He knows us, we have problems trying to make sense of who He really is.
Our knowledge of who God is, is determined by how much God wants us to know.
In A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God, he exerts that God is a personable character. That He is indeed a person whom we can build a relationship with, right up to the "most intimate communion of which the human soul is capable" of. That God is person who "thinks, wills, enjoys, feels, loves, desires and suffers" like any other person may.
This, however, is not meant to say that God is the same as man. How we could have created such a picture of God is because that is how God has chosen to be to us. And if you are still with me, you'd realise that God is uber-brilliant -- because He has chosen to be to us what we can understand, and to relate with us the way we can relate.
"He stays by the familiar pattern of personality", writes Tozer. "He communicates with us through the avenues of our minds, our wills and our emotions."
Dying to Self Very often we hear of people saying it's not good to be angry at someone, because it will only hurt yourself. I say that sometimes too. And never thought there was a problem with it -- until now.
While the statement is no doubt true, it also reveals the carnal, self-gratifying nature of mankind. Our priority is always to ask, "What's in it for me?" Even in forgiveness, we care more for ourselves than for forgiveness itself. We forget that it is by His grace that we can stand -- and thus, it is Him whom we should seek to please. Until we are willing to give up all rights to ourselves, we can never please God.
"He wants you to recognize the nature you were exhibiting- the nature of demanding your right to yourself. The moment you are willing for God to change your nature, His recreating forces will begin to work. And the moment you realize that God's purpose is to get you into the right relationship with Himself and then with others, He will reach to the very limits of the universe to help you take the right road. Decide to do it right now, saying, "Yes, Lord, I will write that letter," or, "I will be reconciled to that person now."
If you find yourself asking, "I wonder why I'm not growing spiritually with God?"- then ask yourself if you are paying your debts from God's standpoint. Do now what you will have to do someday. Every moral question or call comes with an "ought" behind it- the knowledge of knowing what we ought to do." - excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest
Pleasing God Well, here comes the hard part. The moment we know what we ought to do, therein should follow no question as to why we should do it, or any reason why we should not -- unless we mean to deliberately defy God and act in rebellion.
"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? Romans 6:1
And for emphasis sake, I'm enlarging verse 2.
"By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"
I was made to memorise this verse during a youth camp I attended when I was eleven. In those youngish days of my faith, I didn't understand what the verse meant. Today, I've come to understand it as a reminder of my wilfulness and the means to which I can live my life pleasing to Christ.
And it is not easy. But the blessed news is we've got help. For it is in our helplessness in trying to help ourselves, that we can become desperate for God. Faith takes place when we trust in God to be our very help in times of need -- and in need, we almost always are! Acknowledging our need and our helplessness is what drives us towards God.
Action before Emotion Our faith and obedience to Christ requires us to act in accordance to what is right, no matter how unreasonable or unwilling we are. The interesting thing about doing so is that it is far easier to "act your way into feelings than to feel your way into action", quoting from Yancey's Reaching for the Invisible God.
Be it in forgiving or in asking for forgiveness, whether it is the sinner or the one who has been sinned against, the same should and must apply.
Our obedience in doing right has to spring from a desire to please God, rather than from our self-wills and motives.
"We must of necessity be servant to someone, either to God or to sin. The sinner prides himself on his independence, completely overlooking the fact that he is the weak slave of the sins that rule his members. The man who surrenders to Christ exchanges a cruel slave driver for a kind and gentle Master whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light." - taken from The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer
It felt rather uncanny as I read what Tozer is suggesting in this very brilliant book of his. Uncanny because it was only just recently (during church retreat) that I questioned and decidedly proposed that there is no third option in our 'fate' to slavery -- i.e. we cannot be slave to anything but either God or sin, and we cannot not be slaves.
It seems like God is at it again. His topical lesson with me continues. (:
Anyway, how very true it is that at times, man is unaware that he is bounded by sin when he chooses to believe only upon himself. The pride of man and his self-will makes him deluded by the fact that he is but a mere weak and worthless slave to sin. At any one point in our lives when we choose to not do what God wills, we distant ourselves from our Creator and become that wretched sinner.
"Let the average man be put to the proof... Let him be forced into making a choice between God and money, between God and men, between God and personal ambition, God and self, God and human love, and God will take second place every time."
Perhaps "every time" may seem exaggerated and "almost every time" would sound more plausible -- but the fact of the matter does not change. Try finding a man who is able to place God above all that Tozer has mentioned to put in comparison, and you'll realise there is none. Even the great men of faith in the bible have faltered in their own ways.
But praise be to God -- for no one is perfect, but... ...where holy intention prevails, God's grace and blessings overflow.
The man who seeks to honour God in both mind and heart is one whom God finds great pleasure in.
And it is that man, I want to be.
Because I want Him to be happy -- really happy
Do you know that God loves you very much? He loves you so very much that it is beyond your imagination, beyond what you can ever dream of, beyond what you ever knew about love.
And do you know how it feels when you're hurt by the one you love so much? I think I do... Yet my love is nothing compared to the love of my Father in heaven.
The more you love, the more it'll hurt. How great it must surely pain my Father; how awfully wretched a child I must be. Still, His love is so great, it covers a multitude of sins. It keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never ever fails.
It's true. The more you love, the more it'll hurt... But the more you'll also learn, and more you'll truly love.
Sin is a horrible thing; not just because it's wrong, but because it takes you far away from God. How dreadful it is to be separated from God!
Perhaps for some, God was never a big deal and thus, it seems like nothing dramatic to be separate from Him. For a time, while I did know and believe in God, I never fully emotionalised the pain it is to be separated from Him. For most part, I was just so sympathetic at how pathetically sinful we are and how sacrifical Jesus is. That was what endeared me to God -- the story of being eternally separated never quite sank in.
But believe me, once you've experience God to a certain point (of which, I don't have a measure for), you'll discover the very pain I found. That I cannot and do not want to be separated from Him. Not now. Not ever. Not even for a minute!
Why? Because the moment you find yourself so in love with your Saviour, there is nothing but pure dread to be even for one second, separated from Him. In part, I find it much like falling in love. At the heat of your emotions, there's nothing you want more than to be always by your lover's side in the more starry-eyed fashion.
That's the kind of adoration I find myself having for my Lord these days. And for that reason, I've also found a new kind of pain. The pain of knowing that I have sinned once again, despite all the love I have for God. I sin over and over again.
It is a horrible horrible feeling when someone you love so dearly sins against you. It's so hurting; it cuts like a knife.
And so I do sorely lament, not because I've lost out on His blessings, but because I know that sin upsets Him.
I have been reading the news on Irrawady ever since I came back from my Thailand trip, after flipping through the magazine while I was in Mae Salit. The news is forever -- almost, gloomy.
Sometime back, when I was at Kai Lun's(?) Karen Photo Exhibition, she told us about a Burmese lady who spoke to her. According to that lady, the Karens are not as pathetic as they have been portrayed and everything has just been blown out of proportion by outsiders. It brings to my mind how I've met people who think that Singapore is a very oppressed nation and how I'd often say that that's not true.
Perhaps it is just that I have never been persecuted, so I assume nobody else has.
But the story is not about Singapore. It's about the Karens.
This was the sunrise I woke up early to see one morning. It was about 4am that we woke up, and about 6am that we reached the mountain top. It didn't actually look so pretty. The photo has been edited. It was rather hazy/cloudly and I was freezing cold. But only the colours of the photo has been edited. The view was nonetheless spectacular.
Who else could have created something like that but the grand master artist of all? My Papa, the great designer. :)
For such a beautiful sight, it's almost ironic to think that there is a war going on hidden behind that beauty. It is in that forested area that the Karens have their HQ, with the mountain range as their natural fortress against the Junta.
And just little steps away, are the many Karen villages littered all across the borderline of Thailand -- one of which I was staying in.
Collin, Yahui and I took a walk one day after brunch, to the border river. We thought we couldn't go further past the guard post but one local told us to go ahead. He showed us which way to go to get the best shots and there we were again, standing the middle of Karen state, and on the borderline of Thailand and Burma.
I wonder what would my life be like if I were Karen. Or even if my name was Karen, instead of what it is. Life may just be very different.
I could have grown up stripping myself naked and jumping into the waterfall everyday.
I've been very frustrated the last couple of weeks. I never quite used to return home so early before to meet with such annoyance, but with my new job, it's far more frequent. Have you ever encountered neighbours who inconsiderately blast their rock music as though there's no one else in the neighbourhood? If you thought that was being irritating, try visiting my home. At almost every corner and turn which my mom would walk by, there would be some form of radio or audio device switched on to the maximum volume, to some chant of some sort. Mind you, every device plays different things. You know, it's nothing to do with the fact that I'm Christian and she's Buddhist. It's everything to the fact that it's extremely loud and chaotic, and excruciatingly frustrating. I don't understand how anybody could live with that amount of noise!
And needless to say, I get very upset and horribly impatient. I can't do anything in peace (literally) and it's so loud, it hurts the ears.
I wonder why none of my neighbours have called to complain yet.
So the problem is this. I know I haven't been at my very best at home. It's so difficult to be as God wants me to be, when the circumstance just throws you into a dark corner the way it's doing to me. I know I shouldn't be rude or resent my mother. How displeasing that is to God! But by my own strength, I can only anger God more.
Father, please forgive me. Teach me. Guide me. Give me your strength to carry on.
Perhaps it just gets all the more difficult, when I have to deal with a mother who was never happy with anything I ever did, who always believed that everything that went wrong in the house would have been my fault, who was always ready to yell at me, who was never with me nor realised how much I needed her when I really did.
But I know it's no excuse for me to be angry with her and to dishonour her. And yes, I'm just grumbling, whining, and being self-piteous when I know I shouldn't.
I make a dreadful daughter.
If you have a great relationship with your mother, please count it as a blessing -- because it truly is one.
Okay, apart from all that mess at home. I'm also half wondering if I'm just so weak or if I'm just about to die soon. I feel sick, yet I'm not so sick. My throat is scratchy, yet not horrid enough to warrant a day's MC. My mind's a whirl and I want to sleep. But when I do, I get bad dreams and end up more tired than before.
This must be one of those clumsy periods of life when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. I want to sulk so badly, I think I need to be in prayers.
Sorry if I abandoned any conversations with you prematurely today. I'm just so out of sync with myself. I don't know what I'm talking about.
-- And in absolutely no relation to the above post whatsoever,
"After Dark," Murakami's latest novel, is a streamlined, hushed ensemble piece built on the notion that very late at night, after the lamps of logic have been snuffed and rationality has shut its eyes, life on earth becomes boundariless and blurred. Individuals who were separate during the day begin to lose uniqueness, to leak distinctiveness, melting into a soft psychic collective. As the hands of the clock slice deeper into the shadows, physics weakens, yielding to metaphysics, and the rigid you and I of things breaks down. During the wee hours, we're all in this together, our spirits spooned like lovers' bodies.
It's funny how I feel like it's late into the night already, when it's barely 1030pm. Anyhoooooows. The above review is an excerpt from the NY Times about a book I recently finished reading. Zong Ren gave it to me for recent my trip to Thailand -- much to my delight, I would think that I'd have been so bored without it. Yes, I had quite a bit of spare time in Mae Salit and I finished about 80% of whilst I was there.
The book is awesome -- as every Murakami is. But I recall how I was trying to explain why I like Murakami so much to Yahui, and found myself quite stumped for words. His books hardly have a story worth retelling in my own words. I mean, if I told you the plot -- you'd think the book was ridiculous. It is in fact, the way he crafts his language that makes everything worth reading. Then again, you may laugh at me for saying that because Murakami writes in Japanese so the beautiful language is the work of the translator.
So I was stumped. But I don't care. I'm really hooked on Murakami -- whether or not I can explain why. You know, love doesn't need a reason nor a justification. Love comes. Love goes. Love just is.
"...you cannot dedicate what is not yours. There is actually only one thing you can dedicate to God, and that is your right to yourself (see Romans 12:1). If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you- and His experiments always succeed." - excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest
How true it is, that there's nothing we can give that He has not given. What do we have that is not already His? Absolutely nothing. And what great joy it is to know that despite the nothingness that we are, we have that great honourable privilege of being God's chosen lab rats.
PS. If you know me well enough, you'll know my exaggerated fondness for rodents and realise that when I mention lab rats, I mean nothing derogatory about it -- rather, the very opposite.
...especially so when we know that God is one who never fails.
I've been reading The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer (SKS is participating in the GSS!), and in it he writes that unless God seeks man, man cannot seek God.
"Before a sinful man can think a right thought of God, there must have been a work of enlightenment done within him...We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit."
And one thing which does prevents us from finding Him is our desire for self. Our human heart has kicked God out of His throne and in place, are "stubborn and agreessive ursurpers [who] fight among themselves for first place on the throne."
Tozer writes this prayer at the end of Chapter 2:
"Father, I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thou silt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I have little else to say on this quiet reflective night, except that it is a prayer speaks what my heart has been saying.
"If the central point, or the most powerful influence, of my life is the atonement of the Lord, then every aspect of my life will bear fruit for Him... It is not on what we spend the greatest amount of time that molds us the most, but whatever exerts the most power over us. We must make a determination to limit and concentrate our desires and interests on the atonement by the Cross of Christ." My Utmost for His Highest
Today's youth service's message was very straightforward and simple. Yet it is often such basic concepts about the faith that bears the most important truths. :)
Am I a true disciple of Christ?
I was reminded of this verse as we were praying during homecell last night: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
...and it has been on my mind to really reflect and think about my life, and if I am indeed presenting myself as a fragrant offering to the God whom I declare to love. Surely He loves me and I know I'm precious in His sight. But am I pleasing? Am I honouring? Am I bringing him the glory that He deserves?
Uncovering my own flaws isn't exactly a fun thing to do. Asking God to search my heart and test me can be quite a painful experience.
"...for no one living is righteous before you" Psalm 143:2b
Come and make my heart your home Come and be everything I am and all I know Search me through and through Till my heart becomes a home for you
A home for you, Lord A home for you, Lord Let everything I do open up a door for you to come through And my heart will be a place where you wanna be
Christians who struggle with sin will receive more grace from God as it is a sign of repentance.
Christians who are stubborn in sin will receive their penalty from God as it is a sign of rebellion. - Taken off Ps Fu-man's blog
It grieves me dreadfully when I hear of someone struggling with sin. But it is when I know of one who is stubborn in sin that really pains and grieves me most. Yet what can I do? But to continue in prayers and to labour in love.
Their lives and my life is in Your hands, dear Lord.
"If we are obsessed by God, nothing else can get into our lives- not concerns, nor tribulation, nor worries. And now we understand why our Lord so emphasized the sin of worrying. How can we dare to be so absolutely unbelieving when God totally surrounds us? To be obsessed by God is to have an effective barricade against all the assaults of the enemy."
I took this almost 3 years ago. How time flies. In a blink of an eye, life has changed so much for me, and for the people around me.
I bade farewell to an old colleague recently. He passed on from cancer, and all I could remember was him joking with me about writing captions.
I've been curious about will-writing for awhile. I wonder if I had to write a will, what would be in it. I wonder what do I have to give! Sure I have some money here and there, but it's not a lot and it seems only right that it goes to my parents -- I still owe my mom and my aunt & uncle money for my uni studies.
Then I thought perhaps I needed to will my junk possessions as well. My collection of toys -- both soft & stuffed, and collectible gashapon type. What about my books? And my bass guitar that's so new and pretty... My guitar would go to the church for sure. It's almost like it belongs to the church already anyway.
I'll be off to Mae Sot in about 30 hours or so. I don't think anything will happen to me, but it's sure worth a thought... that if something did happen, will anyone want to adopt my mice? How many would turn up for my wake? How would people feel?
At my farewell, my colleagues took turns to say the strangest things. No doubt I know I haven't created any enemies out of my colleagues, but I never quite thought they loved me that much.
In a way, it totally felt like I was already dead and here these people are... delivering their eulogies. You know how it is at funerals; nobody says bad things about the one who has left.
Anyway, I heard some really encouraging comments that made me feel really thankful. It would have been horrid if people were glad to see me go. It's not horrid because I'm disliked, but it's horrid because I would have dishonoured God. So, I'm so thankful. So very very thankful that I've actually left footprints in their lives -- and it is my prayer that those footprints are the prints of Christ, and not of my own.
Knowing you, Jesus, is the greatest thing. Help me to recognise the power of Your risen life in all that I do, and to know You in Your sufferings. Teach me to become like You in Your death and to live not by my will, but Yours alone.
I just got back from homecell and it's 3am -- yes, I really should be sleeping. Unfortunately, my brains are still buzzling with activity because perhaps, once again, I'm marvelled by my Maker.
I know I was suppose to take the sharing session today and while I did kinda prepare but honestly, it was in such a mess -- which was why I titled this the "late night confessions".
As always, I feel like I can do so much more and put in so much more effort to give the honour God's Word deserves. No doubt whatever I shared took several different sessions and sources from all over... it was no more than a mish-mash of notes from many sessions of QT and personal Bible Study rather than anything meant to be dispensed in a group meeting.
But I had awesome fellowship. And perhaps that's what the body of Christ was always meant to be. And what homecell was never to do without. The encouragement, support and friendship of one another... the ability to just openly share what is bothering us most -- even when it concerns a degree of discomfort and awkwardness.
I'm glad though, that somehow, I think I did manage to link up my notes and present to my dear brothers and sisters the things that I've been learning about God as our Jehovah Rohi -- the Lord my shepherd. My good shepherd. And it's definitely by His grace that there was even any coherence in my sharing!
Thank you, Lord, for Your abundant grace, even when I never deserved it.
There are those who think that the Christian religion is what we should smile at rather than hold fast, for this reason, that, in it, not what may be seen, is shown, but men are commanded faith of things which are not seen. We therefore, that we may refute these, who seem to themselves through prudence to be unwilling to believe what they cannot see, although we are not able to show unto human sight those divine things which we believe, yet do show unto human minds that even those things which are not seen are to be believed. And first they are to be admonished, (whom folly has so made subject to their carnal eyes, as that, whatsoever they see not through them, they think not that they are to believe,) how many things they not only believe but also know, which cannot be seen by such eyes. Which things being without number in our mind itself, (the nature of which mind is incapable of being seen,) not to mention others, the very faith whereby we believe, or the thought whereby we know that we either believe any thing, or believe not, being as it is altogether alien from the sight of those eyes; what so naked, so clear, what so certain is there to the inner eyes of our minds? How then are we not to believe what we see not with the eyes of the body, whereas, either that we believe, or that we believe not, in a case where we cannot apply the eyes of the body, we without any doubt see?
- St. Augustine, Concerning Faith of Things Not Seen
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
"Are you prepared to ask yourself what it is you want from God and why you want it? God always ignores your present level of completeness in favor of your ultimate future completeness. He is not concerned about making you blessed and happy right now, but He's continually working out His ultimate perfection for you-- '...that they may be one just as We are one...'" - My Utmost for His Highest, 27 Apr
I've been asking God for something -- and I think I've been asking so badly that this message came aptly. Yet at the same time, the one other thing I've been asking God so desperately is that I may truly seek Him and find Him... It seems the more I grow in Him, the harder it is to know what it means to earnestly seek after Him. You know what I mean? It's the more you know, the less you know syndrome.
Anyway, I think I've been asking God for a lot of things lately. For wisdom, courage, strength... mainly. I'm not particularly down and depressed; rather, I'm not at all -- but definitely feeling quite desperate in many sense.
I feel a little stupid. Seriously. While God continues to be obvious, I continue to be oblivious. I can't even begin to explain myself well.
When I am afraid I will trust in You In God, whose Word I praise
I was listening to a sermon about Jesus, our good shepherd. Did you know that Jesus not only said that He's the good shepherd who knows us, he also said that His sheep knows Him. It's marvellous thought to know that we have a shepherd who is indeed good, and who lays down His life for a flock of stupid sheep. But it also comes to me as a little warning signal.
Do I know the good shepherd? How much do I know?
If I can't quite answer these questions, then am I really his sheep? Or do I merely think I am in his flock?
Are you prepared to let God take you into total oneness with Himself, paying no more attention to what you call the great things of life? Are you prepared to surrender totally and let go?
...once you do get to the point of total surrender to Him, you will be the most surprised and delighted person on earth.
I want to be Your little lamb Follow wherever You go If I should ever go astray Your gentle hand will lead me back home Your hand will lead me back home
There's something really frightening and really miserable about going wherever He leads. I know it's the right and good thing to do -- and that I will heap great rewards thereafter. But it's seriously easier said than done.
If the great father of faith was fearful -- how much more so, me?
Even after my extremely lengthy entry about faith, change and an unchanging God, my head is convinced, but my heart is, well, grievously discomforting.
To the desperate eyes and reaching hands To the suffering and the need To the ones the world has cast aside Where You want me, I will be
I will go, I will go, I will go Lord, send me To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry Take everything I am I'm clay within Your hands I will go, I will go, send me
Let me not be blind with privilege Give me eyes to see the pain Let the blessing You poured out on me Not be spent on me in vain Let this life be used for change
I wanna live for You Go where You lead me I wanna follow You - I Will Go, by Starfield
Easier sung than done.
And the song caught me aptly -- I couldn't bring myself to sing the song. I struggled to think that I need to let God take everything and have me as clay in His hands.
Yes, I want to. I definitely want to be used by God. I want to follow Him wholeheartedly. I want Him to be my Jehovah Rohi. I want to be where He wants me to be.
But I must be honest; I'm not a saint. A total surrender of my life and my will is beyond my mere mortal sinful being. I'm having such a difficult time, I just want to cry. Hide. Disappear.
The self is not willing. Not willing to give up everything that it has ever held onto. Not willing to let God make the decisions -- decisions that seem so uncomfortable. Not willing to see the life it wanted, change so drastically.
Yet I love God. I love God so dearly, I want to kill myself just so I can live for Christ. And yes, it just occured to me how suicidal it feels to want to die to self, so that He may live in me. It feels just as desperate and just as lost.
It's so not easy! The murder of self - my head hurts
"Readiness for God means that we are prepared to do the smallest thing or the largest thing- it makes no difference. It means we have no choice in what we want to do, but that whatever God's plans may be, we are there and ready. Whenever any duty presents itself, we hear God's voice as our Lord heard His Father's voice, and we are ready for it with the total readiness of our love for Him." - excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest
Have been thinking about the discussion I had with cell on "Abraham - Living out God's purpose in my life"... I thought it was strange that Frank Lomax listed several characteristics about Abraham (Abram) but did not mention 'faith'. For most part, I couldn't disconnect Abraham from faith because he had such great faith that he's also commonly referred to as the father of faith!
One of my favourite chapters in the Bible, Hebrews 11, writes,
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
By faith Abraham, even though he was past age-and Sarah herself was barren-was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspringwill be reckoned."Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.
In it, we see three events of Abraham's life where he proved his faith in God (not forgetting those that were not mentioned!) and hey, they're no small matters.
Leaving his home for a place unknown is no laughing matter. If he had known where he was going, perhaps it would have been a little better. But not only did he not know, he found himself making a home out of tents. Did you think that Abram always lived in tents? No way. Abram was a wealthy man. He probably owned a big plot of land where he built his house and where his cattle and sheep would graze. Can you imagine if you're told to leave your house, don't know where you're going, and then find yourself in this strange place where people speak, look and behave differently... and you only have a tent and a sleeping bag to sleep and live in?
So as if it wasn't bewildering enough for Abram, God strikes him another deal. That out of this old old man, will come descendents as numerous as the stars in the sky... Imagine your grandparents having kids at their age. I can't. It's not only unbelievable, it's almost ridiculous to believe. By now you'd think that Abraham would have given up listening to God. Seems like this God has nothing but nonsense up his sleeve, isn't it?
But no, God is full of real promises and truths! Isaac is born. Precious, precious little Isaac. And then comes the bomb. God says, sacrifice Isaac.
A.k.a. "Kill your precious little son -- yes, that very son I promised you'd have." WHAT?!!
Did Abraham finally walk out on God? NO! HE DIDN'T!
See what I mean about this old man and his immense faith?
Woo.
Yet while we think about Abraham as this super-faithful old man, I noticed one thing during our study. He wasn't an emotionless old man with a crazed passion for God. He was a normal as man can be for he was as afraid as any of us would be. In Genesis 15:1, God said to him, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." The fact that God said "Do not be afraid" gives us a hint of the kind of emotions Abram had -- He was actually frightened!
Faith requires the strength of a giant and the courage of a child
It is not the easiest thing, nor the most happening thing, to have to embrace such big leaps of faith in our walk. Interestingly, I was in a discussion about "change" that same day, during my company's weekly sharing session, where we talked about how change affect us and what exactly is change.
When Abram left his homeland, he embraced the change by faith -- but not without fear. There was discomfort. There was pain. And there will always be confusion.
But the amazing thing is no matter what kind of changes come our way to hit us, hurt us, cause us fear, we have the assurance of knowing that change is one thing God is not. For He is an unchanging God! His love, His mercies, His faithfulness is everlasting. When He says He will never leave us not forsake us, we know for certain that it will be so.
I walk by faith, not by sight
I've been a little... hmm.. how do I put it. Confused? Not quite but something like that. Uncertain, perhaps. About a major decision I made. And God always has His ways of showing His truths. Today, He reminded me of His plan and purpose in my life -- and how He is using me to bring joy into the lives of many.
Today I had the great privilege of praying with a young girl who wanted to receive Jesus into her life. How great, how very great are you, Lord. :)
Defender of this heart You loved me from the start You never change Through the highs and lows As seasons come and go You never fail
Day after day, Your love will remain Faithful and true, You are good
You are God with us You're victorious You are strong and mighty to save
For Your word stands true There is none like You And when all else fades You remain
When trouble comes my way You guide and You sustain Lead me, I pray Forever You will be The great eternal King Now and always
Day after day, Your love will remain Faithful and true, You are good
Day after day, You never change Day after day, You are the same Day after day, You remain - Remain, by Starfield
Here I am humbled by your Majesty Covered by your grace so free Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine Since you laid down your life The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty Your grace has found me just as I am Empty handed, but alive in your hands Majesty, Majesty Forever I am changed by your love In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give Forgiven so that I can forgive Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire Sanctified by glory and fire
It's not the easiest thing to say that you can be changed forever because of His sacrifice. As I probed the young ones yesterday, why should one sacrifice all for Christ? -- He sacrificed for us, no doubt, but so what?
Everyday, dozens of people make sacrifices for the ones they love. But do they always find reciprocation? Is it for certain that they are even appreciated the slightest bit? Maybe once, twice. Maybe never.
When someone loves you that much, it is only right to do something for that person in return -- or is it?
I'm not sure what everyone was thinking when I asked those questions. I was wondering what would be my own reply.
Is there really a right thing to do? And are we really compelled to this right thing? Or are we just doing it, because, well, it is the right thing.
Do I kneel before God everyday, just because I think it's good and right, or because I really want to?
Does it make a difference? Of course. Will God see the difference? I'm sure.
When I did the things I did to make amends for what I've done wrong. I knew I really wanted to. And it was most definitely, the right thing too. But today, I wonder about this all over again. While I'm desperately trying to do right, I'm equally desperate in trying to figure out what I want, and what is right.
It's so easy to be led by the heart's emotions, blinded by the situation.
How do I stay right, and want right, in this very wrong world?
And it's even easier, to be influenced by what others have to say, the things others urge me to do. Good counsel is a treasure, but when is it good? I search His Word and the more I read, the less I understand and so much more are the questions I have.
Wake up, child. And look this way. You were never on your own, and you were never out of
