I taught my mom how to use the bamboo sushi rolling mat today. (Okay, I've no idea if it has got a proper name, but just for convenience sake, I'm calling it THE MAT for now.)
You see, my mom went to a organic food store's special erm... "open house?" and they taught everyone how to make Vegan Organic Sushi using carrots, alfafa, beetroot and a host of other erm... delicious organic vegetables. So she returned home feeling all geared up to try her own and even bought herself two packets of MADE-IN-CHINA nori (dried seaweed, that is). But when she got back, she realised she has never rolled sushi in her whole life and has no idea how THE MAT can be used.
So she asked me to demonstrate.
By the way, cooking demonstrations are $50 per session. Speak to me for details. No, I'm just kidding.
Well, we did make some organic vegan sushi -- which I didn't try; looks disgusting. :P But I doubt my mom understands how it works. I have a feeling she's going to get me to do them again the next time she gets in the mood.
But what was funny is the way she asked me how this is done and how that is done, and how long can the nori be kept, and why is it so soft compared to the ones she had at the store etc. etc. etc.
So you see, I became Culinary Master for the day. (:
PS. Don't buy MADE-IN-CHINA nori, even though they are usually a tad bit cheaper. They tend to be of a lower grade and less tasty. But if in any case, you already bought 'em nua nori pieces, you can actually do what I told my mom. Toast them! This is so there's a little more crunch when you bite into your sushi... rather than having to struggle to bite a piece off, if you know what I mean. Just be careful you don't over-toast, because then you can't roll them at all. *duh
And just in case you're like my mom and want to ask me where I learned to do something like that... I didn't. I really thought it's quite common sense, which I now know to be my own assumption that happens to really work. LOL. (:
Anyway, this wasn't the only dish my mom was probing me about. The last time I made tuna puffs, chicken pie and egg tarts, she was curious as well. In fact, she stopped her vegetarian diet just to try what I was up to.
My mom actually makes great egg tarts but I was making the Portuguese flaky pastry type, while hers are the traditional Cantonese kind.
For that, I actually miss Hong Kong. I love the egg tarts, bo luo pau, chee cheong fun, wantan mee and yeah... all kinds of random Cantonese food! Oooooh yes. I like the curry fishballs and some dessert drink I had -- I forgot what it was. Other than that, everything else I remember of Hong Kong isn't that fantastic; I'd rather be anywhere else. I think it's the people; they are not very nice... much like meeting a Singaporean, but maybe a bit worse. :P *oops*
But back to where I was... Cooking is fun! And while I get really impatient with my mom most of the time, I enjoy these little moments with her -- really. When our conversations are not about money, and about her being displeased with me.
I decided one early Sunday morning during a most hurried QT that marriage is about family, and not just the two. That same morning, I sat through a most unusual Sunday service discussing the topic of -- guess what? Family.
Honour your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise.
It was strange, somewhat, and definitely a harsh reminder of the place my family has in my heart -- especially after my conversation with Peggy about old Jln Ngee Heng.
So I told him what I thought I wanted to do. Giving my parents the honour on a day that would usually belong to my own... and there we began a debate that would not end.
I wonder again if this was ever right. I suppose I love you enough, but yet not quite.
I'm feeling so extremely tired that I'm going to bed right after this most random entry of photos taken with my mobile, which I dropped for the 3rd time this week. I think it's suffering from concussion already - but it's still so new! Sigh.
A pile of hamsters from the pet store & the coolest paper-cube-put-together-toy from cubeecraft.
Here's my painted hand...
An overdue shot of the lovely surprise I received...
So many things have been happening lately. From one scare to another, I don't know if my heart has grown stronger or more paranoid. And on top of all that, I'm exhausted by the late nights and a very bad back.
But seeing the end product of the children's camp brochure and the encouraging invitation from Mt Elizabeth Hosp has really made my day a little better -- if it wasn't ruined by... uhm. And so, I'm actually glad this month is almost over. To think it was my birthday month... it was one of the most challenging months I've had to deal with. But then again, it doesn't mean that my troubles will end with the month eh?
Sigh.
You caught my soul When I was struggling to breathe You made me whole And now Your majesty I sing I belong to You - I belong to You, by Parachute Band
Lord, Lord, I'm really struggling, but by Your strength, I'm a survivor. Though I still wish I never existed, just as Job had cursed the day He was born. Yet Lord, I'm incredibly amazed by who You are, Father. You're my Saviour, Redeemer, the great I AM. You called me as Your own and covered my fears with Your love and grace. While I never deserved nor had any right, You found me and held me and loved me. So Father, keep holding me. Hold me till this darkness disappears, and till the light of Your purpose shines. That I may finally see where I'm headed, what I'm doing, and how You've carried me. Lord, lead me on in these troubled times for it is in You that I see all that I can be. Father, sanctify me for Your will.
Did you know that I'm free? Free to love. Free to sing. Free to dance. Free to give thanks in every circumstance. Even though my tears my fall and outwardly I'm worn, I can rejoice because You have rescued me. (:
It's so incredibly difficult to look beyond what is happening with the here and now, and to trust in the hope of what is to come.
It's so awfully difficult that it makes absolute sense why Paul would suggest to the church in Philippe that they should "work out [their] salvation with fear and trembling". (Phi 2:12)
But it is with much encouragement to note that "it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Phi 2:13)
I'm reminded once again that it's not by my own strength nor my mortal might that I'm able to do anything at all, but in Christ alone. He is the only reason why I'm still alive today, able to live, to love, and to sing with gladness. If He hadn't been in my life all these while, I would never have been able to smile through all and to love through all.
God is good -- all the time.
If only my faith would stop shaking! But if it does, then something is wrong with me. Hmm.
I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know Though my heart and flesh may fail There's an anchor for my soul I can say, "It is well"
Jesus has overcome And the grave is overwhelmed The victory is won He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name No more sorrow, no more pain I will rise on eagles' wings Before my God fall on my knees And rise, I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near When this darkness breaks to light And the shadows disappear And faith shall be my eyes
Lord, give me the faith to believe and to see what you have prepared for me.
This photo looks so retro, doesn't it? And so it is. The youngest little boy blowing bubbles on the left is my cousin Kenny, who is now the father of two kids, Amanda & Brandon -- who are now much older than he was in the photo above.
I spoke with Peggy earlier and she told me about the games they used to play at No 154 Jalan Ngee Heng. Back then, my dad was a naval officer who only spent brief moments at the house whenever he was on shore. Much of his life was spent onboard the ship. But when he does go home, he'd spend his time with the pet dogs, Rajan & Bonzo.
I suppose that's where my affinity for animals came from -- genetically inherited from daddy! Okay, guess not. (:
Received a mail from Peggy, from her old friend with regard to the article she wrote:
Your article in yesterday's NST was indeed a great article down memory lane. I still remember I was still young and the idea of seeing badminton being played at night with the lights on was something that you do not see. If I am not wrong even the larkin stadium was not yet built and seeing a game played under lights was something unique. You should know your aunty Sylvia was in the same school as me in Saint Joseph (Larkin) and her husband was also teaching in the same school and he was my Geography teacher. He was indeed good looking and I can remember that many a girl was eyeing him but however I believe his eyes was set only on your aunt.
I should mention that Aunty Sylvia (whom I know better as Aunty Eng) has two rather charming sons, Shaun & Ryan. There were times when I had to play big sister alongside Shaun (he's big brother, of course), in taking care of some of the younger cousins and our nephews & nieces at family gatherings and dinners, because we are the older ones amongst the younger ones. Our other older cousins were well into adulthood whilst the both of us were the... older teens/kids? LOL. Well, I don't know. My family is waaaay too big. But Shaun always had the greater responsibility because he's a year older than I am, and also because he's a boy! I remember he used to give in to me, letting me have the better seats, getting food for me, and always concerned about how I'm doing and how he could help. Even now that we're both adults and we hardly meet (he now works in Aust, with Ryan studying there as well), he still expresses the same kind of care and concern whenever we do meet.
Grandpa would tease us with his tricky strokes and challenge us, saying that he could beat us even with one hand tied behind his back.
When grandpa passed away in 1980, an obituary in the newspaper said Ng Ngoh Tee was the "Maker of Champions". - taken from JohorBuzz, Where Champions were born, by Peggy Loh.
I opened the mail from Peggy today with much delight. She'd sent us the hard copy of the newspaper article she had written about her memories of Ah Gong's place -- my ah gong!
I don't know a whole lot about my grandfather, because he passed away before I was born. My brother was too young to remember, and besides, we were mostly apart from my extended family because of our Singaporean citizenship. All that I know have been told to me in snippets by my dad, my Uncle Roland, and my cousin Peggy.
And I'm always very amazed but what I'm made of: Champion-material! LOL. (:
I always wished that someday somehow I could meet my ah gong and ask him to tell me about his badminton club, and all the trophies he has ever won. But I'm quite a disgrace when it comes to playing badminton, or any racket sport for that matter.
I really want to play well, but I'm just not very good at all. I don't know why. I was actually really disheartened not too long ago, but I'll keep trying. I think. I believe ah gong's endurance at his game must have rubbed off me somewhere. I want to play like my ah gong someday. (:
And I love my dad (: I love him for everything he is, regardless of all his imperfections... his bad temper, his occasional mood swings, the way he ignores me sometimes and make me wonder if I mean anything to him.
Haa. Papa, I love you! (:
And here's a photo of my ah gong celebrating his birthday with my cousins, uncles and aunt. My dad and I were looking at this photo together and then he pointed out that the boy on the extreme left, standing, is my eldest cousin, Jeffrey. He passed away from cancer many years ago. I have only vague impressions of him, because I was quite young when he passed on.
Then I told my father that ah gong looks a whole lot like Uncle Roland, my dad's eldest brother. I had to say it in that manner (rather than saying uncle Roland looks like ah gong) because I've never met ah gong before... I would have thought it's uncle Roland in the photo if nobody told me it's my grandpa!
And I love my uncle Roland too! He's my tua pek (eldest uncle), who always kisses me on the cheek and hugs me with his very strong arms everytime I see him... for as long I can remember! And yes! Even now!
Somehow, you just have to believe... that at the end of this long winding road, your dream will eventually come true. That's the stuff faith, hope and love is made of.
Taken with my hp. Not too bad, ain't it? :) Bandung goodness! We were hunting for good bandung and you know, it's the coffee shops that serve better bandung -- not the restaurants. But the best I've had was from the Raya Bazaar. Malays make good bandung!
It was so funny when he tried to convince everyone that kids will love bandung, so it should be in the party... when in fact it's us who wants it! LOL.
Vincent, Zong Ren & Liwei's backs as they ran past Eueu & I during their Nike Human Race. We were complaining that they were taking too long, but I think they'll have the last laugh when I go for my tri. I still can't believe what I got myself into.
And this is the book I want. Anybody seen it anywhere?
I'm really broke. So broke that I'm so glad it's nearing payday soon. Phew.
And so very tired. Lord, Lord, leave me not and give me rest.
Try as I may, I could not find a photo that even closely resembled that image of my Abba Father carrying me. Although the emotions evoked by this photo came really close, as did the image above.
It all started when I was meditating upon the passage from John 1:35-39.
When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!" When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus.
Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"
"Come," he replied, "and you will see." John 1:36
And when I found myself following as the did the two disciples, I saw instead my Lord Jesus turning to me and saying, "Come, sit with me." whilst I turned away in shame.
And then again the scene repeated in my mind and once again, Jesus turned to me and said, "Come, my child, come sit with me." But again I looked in shame at my own feet, unwilling to respond. Afraid.
It was then that the whole scene changed to that of a raging sea. I couldn't see it rage, for I was carried with my head against his shoulder, my back against the sea. The waves were frightening, though I didn't see, I heard it roar. But in His arms I felt very safe. Safe from any storm.
But there He said, "Look ahead, my child. Look."
I shook my head and refused to look; I was afraid to look.
No, Lord. I don't want to look. Let me rest. Let me dwell in this moment, when I can feel You holding me. I don't want to do anything more. Please let me rest, with You.
I soon fell asleep; and He didn't probe.
Wondered, I did. About what was it ahead that He wanted me to see. In my mind I knew, they were great things -- waiting for me to accomplish, awaiting my faith to embrace.
But Father dearest, it's been all so painful. I'm so scared. So very scared. I need Your strength, Lord. So very much.
And again my Abba Father whispers into my ears,
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
The sorrows for the appointed feasts I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you. Zephaniah 3:17-18
And so I finally looked -- to much delight.
I still can't see far, but I know my Saviour carries me.
When I go, don't cry for me In my Father's arms I'll be The wounds this world left on my soul Will all be healed and I'll be whole
Sun and moon will be replaced With the light of Jesus' face And I will not be ashamed For my Savior knows my name
It don't matter where you bury me, I'll be home and I'll be free. It don't matter where I lay, All my tears be washed away.
Gold and silver blind the eye Temporary riches lie Come and eat from heaven's store, Come and drink, and thirst no more
So, weep not for me my friends, When my time below does end For my life belongs to Him Who will raise the dead again - All my tears, by Jars of Clay
It's hard to stay in one place and not move. It's harder still, trying to forge ahead and push. So there is left with only one direction, and that is down and back.
Falling. All over again.
Maybe it's the late nights and the stress from meeting deadlines, and all the worrying. I want to hold you so very much.
Father father, You are my source of strength and my source of hope. Lift me up to where You are, and give me the courage to face another day -- one I wish I didn't have. For I'm dying to die, when I need to stay alive. And I'm longing for you.
My dear Abba Father, this journey is so tiring. I need Your strength, Lord, for I am weak. My heart is frail and my soul cries out. When will my light of day return?
Learning to serve You with all that I am. Learning to love you with everything I can. Dearest Jesus, are You here with me today?
My head says yes, but my heart cries no. Bind me, Lord, bind me to You, so that I may never leave Your side. Leave me not. Forget me not. Despise me not. Be always my vision, my ruler, my joy and my salvation.
Bring the Rain, by MercyMe. I can count a million times People asking me how I can praise You With all that I've gone through The question just amazes me Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm But instead I draw closer through these times So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace Bring the chance to be free Bring me anything that brings You glory And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain
I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above Because you are much greater than my pain You who made a way for me Suffering Your destiny So tell me, what's a little rain? So I pray
Holy, holy, holy Holy, holy, holy Is the lord God almighty Is the lord God almighty
I didn't think I'd find a song which sings more of what I've been praying now than this. And it amuses me to think that it was after I spent time praying through exactly what the song is singing that I happened to chance upon the video whilst browsing through other things.
There is always always always God's promise of a rainbow at the end of the stormy day.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3,10
My headache wouldn't leave me; but it's my heart that aches more. Seeing him the way he is, even though he's out of the ICU, made me feel rather lost for words and that strong emotion to kneel before God in prayer.
And as I prayed and noticed Dj's eyes welling up in tears, I was reminded that there is always something good in store that our human eyes cannot see. After every storm, there is always the promise of a rainbow -- a covenant of God's love and protection.
I believe and trust in You. BTW, Danube is beautiful, don't you think so? (photo above) Somewhere in Serbia, also where Emir Kustarica filmed Black Cat White Cat -- my most favouritest film ever! ;)
After all that has happened of late, I don't know whether I'm stronger -- as Reinar supposes it, or on the verge of another emotional breakdown -- that d so worries about... I really don't know what else to think anymore, except to believe that I now have every right to be emo, or even to throw a crazy tantrum (ok, maybe not).
But one thing I do know, and that is that I"m so incredibly loved by my Father. Faith, trust, love. At such an awful time, I'm thankful to be able to still love; love never fails.
Is there hope for every man? A solid place where we can stand In this dry and weary land Is there hope for every man?
Is there love that never dies? Is there peace in troubled times? Someone help me understand Is there hope for every man?
It seems there's just so many roads to travel It's hard to tell where they will lead My life is scarred, my dreams unraveled Now I am scared to take the lead
If I could find someone to follow Who knows my pain and feels the way The uncertainty of my tomorrow The guilt and pain of yesterday
There is hope for every man A solid place where we can stand In this dry and weary land There is hope for every man
There is love that never dies There is peace in troubled times Will we help them understand Jesus is hope for every man
Actually, when you get to a point when you just get beaten up over and over, it's really quite a feat to believe and trust that Jesus is the hope -- not just for any man, but for you, for me, for every man. When everything just keeps collapsing before you and you start to wonder if there's any good left in this world for you, it takes more than a giant to see God's love.
But because my walk with Christ is more than words, and far more than what I feel, I know and I believe and I will trust in Him.
Father, help me get back on my feet and be that tumbling dolly that may stumble but will never fall. Enable me and be my strength where I am weak, for I am nothing apart from You. My life as frail and fragile as it is right now, make it wholly Yours, Lord... because Father, there's no greater purpose and joy than for me to be able to honour You with whatever I am left with. My everything. My all.
Lord we have seen the rising sun Awakening the early dawn And we're rising up to give you praise Lord we have seen the stars and moon See how they shine They shine for you And You're calling us to do the same So we rise up with a song And we rise up with a cry And we're giving you our lives
We will shine like stars in the universe Holding out Your truth in the darkest place We'll be living for Your glory Jesus we'll be living for Your glory We will burn so bright with Your praise O God And declare Your light to this broken world We'll be living for Your glory Jesus we'll be living for Your glory
Like the sun so radiantly Sending light for all to see Let your holy church arise Exploding into life Like a supernova's light Set your holy church on fire We will shine - Shine, by Matt Redman
Life can be really frightening. One moment you're living on cloud nine, the next moment you may be on the other end of your life. Received news today about JD's accident and whilst I can't decipher from Dj's mixed reactions whether it's very serious or otherwise, it caused me to think once again about the reality of our lives.
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." Isaiah 40:6-8
Rev Daniel's discourse on the book of Job took us really deep into the concept of suffering, and into the history of the church. It figures that a person who questions why does a good God allow suffering, is a very self-centered person. Because the question is asked in expectation that a good God equates to good for me.
It's somewhat like playing a tennis match. Let's say that both Nadal and Federer are staunch believers in God and both have made prayers to win the biggest match of their lives -- which happens to be the match where they face off with each other.
Eventually, one has to win and the other will lose. Does that mean that God was good to one and not good to other?
Well, no. Because in the eternal scheme of things, only God is able to see what is really good. And good cannot be define by what we feel and think that it should be. While the tennis match analogy won't work in every and all situations we are in, but really, in the presence of God, who could stand? And who are we to fault God on his definition of divine good?
Too often, we look only at our selves and our rights to claiming certain things from God without realising we never had any right to anything at all.
It makes God seem so cold, doesn't it? Because you're still looking only at your self.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." Job 1:21b ...and so we had coffee and chocolate over another conversation. again, i was confounded with how we could go on. reliving strange memories and gossips of bliss, it was surely quite uneasy -- when we didn't know what next. the awkward moments of silence shouldn't have been there, if only we had kept away what we probably shouldn't share. perhaps it's plain denial. maybe it's just not time. i'm sorry, love... and when we kissed goodbye, i recalled again how lovely, how very lovely you are.
It's so incredibly difficult to look beyond what is happening with the here and now, and to trust in the hope of what is to come.
